KELSO: Jackie, why do you wanna go anyway? You hate Led Zeppelin.
JACKIE: I never said I hated them, Michael. For your information, I think Led is hot.
–Excerpted from the transcript of That 70s Show — Fez Gets the Girl (Season 3, Episode 12)
I loved it when Jackie uttered those words on That 70s Show. It confirmed that I was not the only person who finds it comical when people ignorantly refer to band names as if they were actual people. Here’s a short list of rock bands that more commonly suffer this particular form of abuse:
This one is somewhat understandable since it is, technically, a person's name. Jethro Tull was a real, flesh-and-blood individual, but having lived during the 17th century, was not available when his namesake rock band was formed in the early 1960s. Too bad, too, because other than being famous for inventing the seed drill, I hear that Mr. Tull was also said to be quite skilled with a juice harp (an instrument which, as any music major worth his weight in written noise complaints knows, is the quintessentially perfect accent to the flute). Plus, being a contemporary of Johann Sebastian Bach, he probably did a better version of Bourée.
Anyway, having absolutely nothing at all in common with a relatively unknown English agriculturist, I'm willing to bet that Ian Anderson (the band's flute-blowing front man) has been called Jethro more times than he cares to admit. Which, I’m sure, then leads to tedious jokes centered around the Beverly Hillbillies.
I suppose this one should get a pass considering the band’s evident acceptance of it. The main character in The Wall is named Pink and then there’s the lyric from the song Have a Cigar: "Oh, by the way, which one's Pink?" But just because the band acknowledged the fact that some people assume their name is that of one of the members doesn't mean it's not totally annoying to sycophantic Pink Floyd fans such as myself. I'd like to think their use of Pink as an individual’s name is actually done in a mocking vein, but similarly to Jethro Tull, Pink Floyd's moniker does indeed come from the names of real people. The guys in the band simply put together the first names of two Georgia bluesmen, Pink Anderson and Floyd Council. So, I guess there could be a person named Pink Floyd.
But there isn't.
Okay, so the hot female singer was a blonde. Her name is Debbie Harry (Deborah to you). Together with her group of nerds in skinny pants they were Blondie. I wonder if Ms. Harry had a sense of humor about it or if she occasionally smacked the smiles off of people who called her Blondie. She always struck me as having attitude. I could totally see her knocking someone’s noodle for assuming she'd have such a bimboesque name*.
I really don't get this one at all. Led is a word. Zeppelin is a word. Neither are names. How could anyone think Led Zeppelin is a person's name, actual freak names like Yahoo Serious and Moon Unit Zappa notwithstanding? Guess you'd have to ask a ditz like Jackie Burkhart.
Seriously? Attention people who think Franz is in the band: study effing history! In this particular case, check out “World War I, causes of”.
*Yeah, I'm dissing on Dagwood's wife, what about it?