My kitten DG is an incarnation of the devil.
As was alluded to in Chapter 1, the little monster might have been better named "Luci-fur" or maybe "Meow-phestopheles". All cats possess a propensity towards curiosity and mischief, but DG aspires to levels of inquisitive waywardness and misconduct far beyond that of ordinary felines. In fact, it sometimes seems as if he thrives on the very energies created by stress and strife.
If something has been set on the banister, DG will knock it to the floor. If a cardboard box is left out in the open, it will become a scratching post regardless of the value of its contents. If you have ties hanging from the waistband of your sweatpants, the Deej will attack your crotch with all his front claws… and he has extras.
DG is a little demon – a tiny infernal imp who is just too cute to be stopped.
Here are just a few of the ways in which he makes our lives hell:
Unlike every other cat I have ever known, DG fully enjoys playing in water. This is especially troublesome, since we have two large German Shepherd Dogs and are thus required to keep very large bowls full of water lying about the kitchen at all times. The water dishes are about the size of the one in which you see DG casually lounging here at left and he will literally climb into them with all four paws and slosh around until someone stops him or until the bowl is empty.
And because this most often occurs in the middle of the night, woe be unto he who attempts a midnight refrigerator run.
The Deej fancies himself a miniature lynx. This means that he will, without so much as a split-second’s warning, dart out from behind a couch and attack your legs and feet. Immediately upon reaching your lower extremities, he will fall to his side and wrap his entire torso around one of your ankles, raking your anklebone with his back claws while simultaneously taking a surprisingly painful bite out of your Achilles tendon. Lifting the affected foot only serves to dangle the little hell-spawn from your ankle, creating even more fiery pain.
Another primal characteristic that emerges in DG from time to time is an intense desire to kill something before he eats it. Because he is not allowed outside and because everything living inside is larger than he is, DG instead determines to kill his kibble before eating it. He will scoop a paw-full of dry cat food out of the dish and bat it around a bit before finally pouncing on a piece and devouring it. Sure, it’s fun to watch; cleaning up afterward… not so much fun.
Everyone in my family has at least one computer. A lot of computers means a lot computer cords. Do I really need to explain further?
Thing is, it’s not just that DG loves playing with anything that is long, thin and bendy; he also hates it when a silly glowing box takes attention away from him for such extended periods. If he wants your attention and you are on the computer, his wicked little mind quickly determines that the most efficient course of action is to start making a meal of the little 'tails' coming of the back. Unfortunately for us all, he is an evil genius. It is quite impossible to get any work done on the PC when an excited tabby has turned the cables into his personal jungle gym.
I could probably go on about this topic all day. Because, honestly, not a day goes by that someone in this house doesn’t come up to me and say, “Your cat is the devil” or “Evil, they name is DG” or “Abaddon spat its most heinous sacrilege hither from the loins of a six-toed tabby and called it by the fourth and seventh letters of the Latin alphabet. May God have mercy on our souls.”
Suffice it to say we sincerely enjoy the times he takes a catnap.