The Book of Deej, Ch. 3: The Boy Can Work It

Continuing where we left off in Chapter 2 – wherein it was revealed that DG often occupies himself by doing things that drive us crazy – we’ll have a look at some of the reasons behind the hellkitten’s behavior and the results he is able to achieve.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that DG’s shenanigans are mostly driven by a desire for attention (I say “mostly” because there are certain things he does which are done strictly for the fun of it). And since I’m the one who took care of him when his momma abandoned him, he has a deeply ingrained desire to snare my attention in particular. In addition to the various antics mentioned previously, The Deej has clever methods by which he gets the desired form of recognition from me specifically.

Some of DG’s more common tactical ploys are as follows:

Codename: Recess Bell
Success Rate: High

Of course, the most common thing DG wants from me is for me to play with him. He has several games and being a crepuscular animal, he usually wants to play them when I’m trying to use my computer in the evening. He’ll attack my feet or climb into my waste can or use his most recent tactic of walking back and forth between me and the monitor, usually directly across my hands as I try to type.

Phase Two of this plan kicks in once I react. The instant he senses my attention turning from the glowing box to him, he trots off at half speed, looking back at me every few steps to see if I’m following. I do often follow him because if I don’t, he’ll just repeat the process until I do.

Codename: Hitcher
Success Rate: High

The next most common form of attention desired by The Deej is quick and comfortable transport from one floor of the house to the other. Some days – say when he hasn’t gotten his full nineteen hours of sleep – he’ll opt to hitch a ride on the next human to happen by. If that person happens to be me, he knows he’s got a lift for sure.

This tactic is a bit more passive, since its very purpose is the conservation of energy. But it is effective. DG will sit or lay down right next to the stairs and basically start working the cuteness. If a person walks up to him, he looks up at them with the Puss-in-Boots eyes and is scooped up right then and there. More often than not, the person was in the process of heading downstairs, so DG gets his transport.

One of his favorite positions during shuttle is the “Panther in the Tree” position, shown here.

Codename: Two Percent
Success Rate: Moderate

Like most cats, The Deej has an unhealthy love of the ol’ pasteurized bovine lactation fluid. If he sees me opening the refrigerator door, he will prance into the kitchen all tail up and licking his chops, expectant that it is the milk I am after.

If I do in fact pull out the jug of milk, he will follow me about the kitchen as I get a glass and pour it full and put the jug back in the fridge. He’ll even hover about my feet as I’m drinking, often employing his tiny little meow which is basically the sonic representation of your heart melting like butter. If I go into the living room and sit down, he’ll be in my lap or on my shoulders trying to get to that milk by any means necessary. Same goes for a bowl of ice cream, by the way.

This is one of his less successful plans because of the fact that too much milk is not good for kitty-kitties. He gets to have it once in a while, but it remains strictly a treat.

There are several other tactics I could list, but I’m afraid I have to end this chapter here; DG is about to commence Operation: Recess Bell.

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
This entry was posted in Can I Say Something? and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to The Book of Deej, Ch. 3: The Boy Can Work It

  1. JamesTr says:

    very cute story, glad to hear he's not all hell kitten.

  2. RedScylla says:

    Aw, man, that cat has mad skillz working the cute. Panter in the tree. LOL.

  3. I especially like the Hitcher and the Panther In the Tree position. Tater isn't a cat but she uses the Hitcher when she can get away with it.

  4. Sol says:

    [ciò è buono]

  5. Asti says:

    Can I recommend a nifty bit of software called Pawsense which detects "cat-like typing" and automatically locks the screen? I started using this many years ago when I had a cat that liked to log onto AOL before it was flat rate (the IM's were fascinating). Also works well with small children I'm told.

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