Joe Pesci Was Right About Drive-Thrus

I have a question.

Do fast food places like Jack in the Box pay so poorly because the job is so simple any monkey can do it or because the only people that will take the job are inept dipshits dumber than the afore-mentioned monkeys?

Okay, that was a bit harsh. No need to generalize the entire industry. Apologies to those fully competent and intelligent people out there who just happen to work in fast food. Apologies as well as sympathies.

It’s just that… well… okay, look, I know it seems small and petty… but it’s not like it’s the first time… and it happens just infrequently enough that when I finally let off my guard, I get screwed again.

And ordinarily it’s not that big of a deal. But this time

Click here for accompanying sound effects!
(WARNING: The linked .wav file contains the use of a four-letter expletive.)

Personally, I love pickles. Can’t have too many pickles as far as I’m concerned. But one of the Jumbo Jacks in question was for Karin who despises pickles with a complete and seamless hatred. Loves onions, though, thus the rather specific order shown on the receipt. So when she opened her burger to find nine pickles and absolutely no onions what-so-ever, well, you can imagine her… disappointment.

I know what some of you are thinking: Kirk’s sort of uptight, isn’t he? I mean, come on, it’s a simple transposition error. Anyone could have made it.

But, see, the thing is that when it is your job – a responsibility you are financially compensated to keep – there’s sort of this expectation that because you do it day-in and day-out you are an expert at it. A professional, if I might be so bold. And let’s face it: building a cheeseburger isn’t exactly air-traffic control or atomic biology is it?


But then it occurred to me that in every Jack in the Box commercial I have ever seen, Jack’s employees have been completely incompetent dolts. Think about it. Whenever we’ve seen Jack interacting with his workers, he’s been severely disappointed in their performance. I know I’ve seen him fire someone at least twice.

So it’s not like I haven’t been warned.

I think from now on when I get the rare urge to fill my gut with copious amounts of grease and salt, I’ll do myself a favor and make the drive to Dick’s Drive-In. And if I can’t get out to Dick’s, then I’ll just have to go sans belly-bombs.

Be good for my blood pressure in more ways than one.

UPDATE: No, I did not call the toll-free number at the bottom of the receipt and complain. All they would do is send me coupons for more Jumbo Jacks.

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
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12 Responses to Joe Pesci Was Right About Drive-Thrus

  1. Lurkertype says:

    it's funny cuz it's true!Are they native English speakers there? Hereabouts they aren't. So we have our choice of either native-born MO-RONS or people from other countries who might be smart, for all I know, but can't communicate.

  2. Fattypants says:

    I am about to move within walking distance of Burgermaster. I may never get fast food anywhere else again.

  3. Kirk says:

    "I am about to move within walking distance of Burgermaster."Ah, Burgermaster. Another perfect burger. You movin' near the one in Bothell?

  4. Marque says:

    dear god. this was so well written, first off. second – this is a major pet peeve of mine! we have a wendy's close by and they screw something up every single time. and they always have a major attitude all the time! are you kidding me? damn. the best fast food i have ever had and that is always correct and all the people working there speak perfect english – in and out burger in california. i kinda just like the name, too. heh..

  5. bouche says:

    We don't have quite the burger variety here. Jack in the Box? No. Sonic? No. We've got the major chains. I have the same peeve with pickles on my burger. I hate fast food pickles because they taste funky and I hate them on my burger! I usually pick them off myself because like your experience, something is lost in translation between fry cook and order taker and IF I'm lucky enough to get what I ordered, it still isn't right.Actually, we have a Johnny Rockets which makes an awesome burger and they also manage to listen. Costs a bit more, but it's well worth it.

  6. We have different burger chains up here in Canada (well we have the big ones like McD's Burger King and Wendy's) but we still have bad service.I went to the local Harvey's and after 10 minutes of waiting for someone to take my order left and ordered a pizza instead. There wasn't anyone behind the counter or in the kitchen area, how can you run a business like that?

  7. Fattypants says:

    "I am about to move within walking distance of Burgermaster."Ah, Burgermaster. Another perfect burger. You movin' near the one in Bothell?Bellevue.. The whole time I was looking at the condo, I thought it was technically in Kirkland, and then saw the address after I'd decided. I'm a little disappointed, I never wanted to have a Bellevue address, but it is a good location.I'm not sure it wouldn't be "wrong" to walk to Burgermaster. I could always stand in a parking spot with a flashlight to get them to come take my order.

  8. Kirk says:

    "I'm a little disappointed, I never wanted to have a Bellevue address, but it is a good location."Ha ha ha ha! I like you Fattypants. You're one of my kind. I had a Bellevue addy most of the time I worked at Nintendo and let me assure you, you get used to it. Just be sure to do stuff like renew your tabs in Bellevue. You're treated better by fellow Bellevue-ites. Sure, you gotta pretend to be a pretentious ass for a short time, but it's over much more quickly if you just play along. ;)I'm not sure it wouldn't be "wrong" to walk to Burgermaster. I could
    always stand in a parking spot with a flashlight to get them to come
    take my order.I think you can actually walk in and order, as well. I know you can at the Bothell and Kirkland locations (and we are talking snooty Bellevue here). There might not be any seating, but I'm sure they'll be glad to feed you.

  9. Red Pen says:

    Great post, made even better by the perfect image.

  10. Lurkertype says:

    I see this is a subject that deeply touches many of us. In a bad place.In-N-Out is the quintessence of burgers. I've never had my order messed up there. Even in the drive-thru.

  11. Kiss Me Cate says:

    I could almost feel sorry for you…except that the last time I attempted to eat drive through food (which I do very rarely for the aformentioned as well as many other reasons) I got instead of a grilled chicken sandwich, no mayo; an enormous, nasty, greasy, cheesy, burger. Not only that, I was in a huge hurry (the whole reason I stopped at a drive thru) and didn't have time to take it back. I absolutely couldnt bring myself to eat it, so there went $5 and my dinner.
    The exception to the incompitant fast food workers is In n Out, they have great employees, and hamburgers that don't scare me.

  12. Timshel says:

    Wow, a lethal weapon 2 reference. that made me chuckle. my dad used to always say that line whenever he'd get home from Wendy's. (Our hometown Wendy's is notorious for screwing orders up)

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