Macho Cheese

You know, we’re well past the age of hairy chests and gold chains, yet I still see men who cannot seem to grasp what the true nature of manliness actually is. They do the most insipid things to appear virile and masculine thereby succeeding only in revealing to everyone the basest aspects of being male. As a result, there are quite a lot of women in the world who think that good men simply don’t exist. If he’s not a cheater, then he’s an abuser. If not that, then he must be either a drunkard or a pill-popper. No? That settles it; he’s one of those pathetic punks who’s only capable of loving himself and his car.

And from what I’ve personally seen of late, such concerns are completely justified. I've met some real jerks recently.

So I’m going to try and sharpen the line a little bit for the idiot knobs who haven’t quite got it figured it out yet. Hopefully, some of the arrogant and aging frat-boys out there will read this and realize it’s time to stop being loutish pigs and start thinking like grown-ups.

Okay, so, in no particular order:

Bragging about your penis is NOT MANLY.
Bragging about your baby daughter IS MANLY.

Having a lot of money and talking about it is NOT MANLY.
Giving a lot of money and not talking about it IS MANLY.

Breaking people down is NOT MANLY.
Lifting people up IS MANLY.

Being able to consume ridiculous amounts of alcohol is NOT MANLY.
Being able to have a great time with friends sans alcohol IS MANLY.

Buying spinners for your car is NOT MANLY.
Buying tampons for your girlfriend IS MANLY.

Having sex with as many women as you can is NOT MANLY.
Having sex with your soul mate as many times as you can IS MANLY.

Physically assaulting someone is NOT MANLY.
Abstaining from violence IS MANLY.

I feel like I’m starting to ramble, so I‘m going to stop here. But I think these few examples should get the sharper specimens in the herd to begin loping in the right direction.

Hey, hope springs eternal, right?

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
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73 Responses to Macho Cheese

  1. Marque says:

    you are my hero. **and a real man sans the macho attitude. ((hugs))

  2. Lauri says:

    You better believe it!!! Great truths, Kirk. And, happily, I know a few guys who would agree with you. There are some great guys out there!!! My sons among them! ;))))))

  3. J says:

    [ciò è buono]

  4. kelli says:

    You are fabulous. This is the best thing I've read on this site EVER…EVER.

  5. Marie says:

    "The quality of a man is not in how hard he's in how tender he touches"
    and this post is definitely touching !!
    Thanks Kirk (as always I am proud to know ya) 😉

  6. Jay says:

    oooh Kirk u are my hero^__^

  7. IG says:

    what Jay said.

  8. bouche says:

    Not only is it 'good', it's awesome.

  9. Kelly says:

    That was lovely you manly man you!Seriously, it was good read.

  10. rhino75 says:

    Are you sure that being able to consume ridiculous amounts of alcohol isn't manly? Are you telling me my life up to this point has been a hollow sham? ;D

  11. Bookmole says:

    See, I think being able to consume large amounts of alcohol is a safety net – it stops your "friends" getting you drunk and doing bad things to or with you. But otherwise – behind you 100% Kirk. Damn good post.

  12. Gdub says:

    I think most women want a guy who looks like the frat boy but who acts like the fat kid. You can't have both. Sorry.

  13. Marque says:

    rofl – that was seriously funny. haha….unless you were serious. 😉

  14. Marque says:

    um….no…not quite. it's never good to generalize..especially on a post about what a real man is….where there will be a bunch of women reading and commenting…are you a masochist? 🙂

  15. Kirk says:

    Holy crap! My GMail Inbox looked like a fatted calf this morning. Kind of scared me. Thanks to everyone who [good]ed me.Marque: *blush*Lauri: I learned a lot watching how my dad treated my mom and listening to my mom tell me how much of a true man my dad was. So, yeah, it definitely helps to have awesome parents. :)J: 22"! I don't think anyone brags that hard about their peni– OH! The spinners thing. My bad. 😉 Though from what I've read from you lately, it seems you may have found a guy who needn't read my post, hmmm?kelli: That's seriously lofty praise. Thank you. Wow.Marie: Love the quote. You're a wonderful friend, too, you know. And thanks.Jay and Island Girl: That tears it, I'm getting a cape!spooktastic: Good for you! ^_^ It's like this idea of being "pussy-whipped" (PW'd). Is a guy PW'd if he simply likes to do things to make his lady happy? I say no, that's being a real man.Kelly G: Thanks for commenting and welcome to my 'hood!rhino75: You bring up a good point. I should clarify that some of the things in the "NOT" category don't necessarily make you UNmanly if you do them, they just don't automatically make you a stud. Bookmole makes a good point about being able to consume booze below which I think is important to note. That said, stuff like breaking people down and beating people up does automatically make you an unmanly tool.So, in short: no, not necessarily. :)Bookmole: Thanks and you make an excellent point.Gdub: Are you saying I don't look like a pretty frat boy? Oh.. wait… I guess I really don't. Heh. Nevermind. ~_^

  16. Kirk says:

    Heh, no kidding, huh? And it's a good thing for me there are women in the world who don't want the frat boy. Even better that she actually found me.

  17. Kirk says:

    Doh! KellyG, you changed your avatar piccie and I didn't recognize you! *blushes* I feel so silly! Please forgive me!

  18. Brown Suga' says:

    SO true. I'm sorry you had to bump into those jerks![doomsayer]At last count, IMO, there are precisely ….[calculates quickly on fingers] SEVEN men I've who are REAL men. (You included.) What a shame, what a shame.[/doomsayer]

  19. I am showing this to my husband! Seriously, would you talk some sense into him? 😉

  20. [this is manly] Kirk. I love you! This is fantastic. You and my Jonny have lots in common – he could have made this list – but you beat him to it. It's wonderful!xoxo, kiss hug kiss hug,Lara who thinks you are wonderful!

  21. Sol says:

    this world needs more men like you. I was lucky enough to find one, and I know he's a rare miracle.

  22. Kiss Me Cate says:

    Kirk!! This is absolutely wonderful. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. Although it's not your longest or most complex post, I think it's one of the best things I've ever read from you or anyone on Vox. Huge kudos to you, on a job VERY well done!

  23. Bragging about your baby daughter IS MANLY.Giving a lot of money and not talking about it IS MANLY.Buying tampons for your girlfriend IS MANLY.Having sex with your soul mate as many times as you can IS MANLY.Abstaining from violence IS MANLY.these are my favorites. they're great. thanks for sharing. 🙂

  24. DJ says:

    Kirk, this is a great list. So true. There are a lot of real boneheads out there, who think that their asinine behavior is somehow manly. :-[

  25. lauowolf says:

    A classic.I may swing this by my daughter.She's pretty wise already, and I think knows a lot of this, but it never hurts to see something true said well.

  26. Lauri says:

    I like that, lauowolf. "It never hurts to see something true said well." Nice! 😉

  27. Lurkertype says:

    [this is still good]

  28. jaypo says:

    Every man should read this.

  29. faerie~wings says:

    [this transcends being merely "good"]

  30. I want to send this to all my single female friends as a checklist of how to pick a good man instead of a wanker.Well done, Kirk!

  31. shinkaide says:

    On point, man. There seems to be this "take no bullshit and don't back down policy" that's being taken to the extreme these days. On a somewhat related note…… It takes a lot more character to use nonviolent means to resolve a situation. Those who are unable to do so and resort to violence first usually lack character and constitution.

  32. Cat says:

    I love ya man!! This is AWESOME..I've read it like 20 times already and favorited it…and I may show it to my hubby too.. 😉

  33. Tsefiya says:

    Very well said, and well put-together post.

  34. Daddy! says:

    From one man to another….exactly! -Scribe

  35. DJ says:

    [c’est top]

  36. GinBaby says:

    Yep, yep. Go, Kirk!

  37. Rei-Rei says:


  38. Drude says:

    Heyyy, you made the explore page with this post!!

  39. M says:

    Been out of the loop lately so I have no idea what's going on with any trolls. BUT…since I can't imagine why anyone would not like this post, you got my [this is good]. Congratulations on the frong page, K.

  40. krizzz says:

    Geez.. apparently I'm manly.There's one sentence I missed, though….Bondi Beach is NOT Manly

  41. brownamazon says:

    W00t! Explore page, that's what I'm talkin' about!

  42. Jacob says:

    [هذا هو الحكم]

  43. Kzinti says:

    [really good] It has been my experience that those women who choose to judge a book by it's cover are often disappointed to find only tabloid material within. A few quotes that I think also define what Manly Is:
    Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being. -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe-
    Never look down on anybody unless you helping him up. -Jesse Jackson-
    Thanks for sharing!

  44. IG says:

    Ooh, lovely quotes, Kzinti. And congrats on the TIG feature Kirk, well deserved.

  45. Naamah says:

    [هذا هو الحكم]

  46. cable ack says:

    Hurrah for men who buy tampons!

  47. Kzinti says:

    This was too funny to resist…
    Manly men buy Manpons!

  48. Wolven Mind says:

    [هذا هو الحكم]

  49. wiredpsyche says:

    [This is manly awesome!] Thanks for sharing this with us, Kirk. I'm glad I found this post. 🙂

  50. The post was great and so were the comments!

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