Bipolar Bears

Look, you probably don’t want to read this one. I’m in a mental place today that seems to be painted in mostly jet and varying dark shades of blue. There are flashes of bright red in there, too, but they pretty much only remain long enough to stab me in the retina before fading out again, leaving blackened vortexes in their place, each residual eddy representing something similar to one of the following:

♣ A coworker sneezed as she walked by my cubicle. She immediately followed it by quietly saying, “Bless me.” For some reason, this struck me as utterly lonesome and sorrowful, as if she had grown used to no one bothering to say it for her.

♣ Two people will split last night’s 370,000,000 Mega Millions Lottery jackpot and no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep myself from pondering how many people in this country threw away money they should have spent on baby formula just for a 1-in-175,711,536 chance of becoming rich.

♣ Sometimes, someone telling you “It’s not the end of the world” is no consolation at all because the end of the world would actually bring relief.

♣ A few regrets I honestly thought I was over might actually just be lying dormant.

This by no means my life sucks or that I’m contemplating doing a few straight shots of Drāno. Not at all. This is simply what we manic-depressives have to deal with from time to time and occasionally we might need to unload some of the more unnecessary baggage.

Thanks for letting me get that out. I feel much better now.

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
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17 Responses to Bipolar Bears

  1. Marie says:

    Thanks for letting me get that out. I feel much better now.
    Kirk..that is one of the many reasons for sites and blogs such as these..so we can "get it out".
    Feel better soon my friend..
    If you need a shoulder or an ear…you know where to find me.
    Hugsssss

  2. Marque says:

    you know that i know how you feel right now. listen – when i am in this place i have learned one very valuable lesson – do NOT make any decisions. sit on them. wait. don't have any regrets – remember? 🙂

  3. Lauri says:

    I'll tell you the thing that I find comforting about a post like this, Kirk. The fact that I am not alone. I have quite a mild case of the bipolar bears….lol…and still it comforts me to learn how others deal with it. I guess I figure I experience a few more higher highs because of the slightly lower lows.And, I want to repeat….I have them nowhere NEAR as bad as lots of folks!Let it all out any old time! 😉

  4. Starlight says:

    ::bless you!:: <– in case you sneeze.

  5. I feel much the same way at the moment. Though not so much depressed as just grey and tired. I hope things get happier for you soon, Kirk.

  6. bouche says:

    Hey Kirk…I hope you're feeling better as the day gets on.

  7. Hope the beast tames a little soon. I think Marque has a good point: it not a good place from which to make decisions. Now, my roomate also always says "Bless Me" when she sneezes and we recently had a lengthy discussion about this. She seemed to think it was utterly normal to bless one's self. Her entire family does it and none of them find it odd. LOL.

  8. devonrex says:

    Take it easy Kirk, and vent any old time:) By the way, not everyone wastes baby formula on lottery tickets. I've no dependents save the Puds and I am a serious investor in those rackets…ahem…games.

  9. My sister says, "Bless me." ALL. THE. TIME. It makes me laugh – because I think she is kooky and she always says it really LOUDLY and emphasizes the ME part the most. It's pretty cute.And I understand how you are feeling.As a matter of fact I am on a high-high today and I'm sure it only means that a low-low is just around the corner so I'm trying not to revel in it too terribly much. I think in the DSM-V I am classified as Bi-Polar with Major Manic Episodes and Minor Depressive Episodes; which I guess means that my Manic Episodes last longer and happen more frequently. That does not, however, mean that I the depression has any less impact on me – for some reason I tend to wallow more readily than I revel. I don't know why. I just do.Big hugs, Kirk.xoxoLara

  10. Correction: I am "Bipolar I Disorder"I think it should be called Bipolar I Chaos – rather than disorder – because disorder sounds so tame. And it is so NOT tame at all.Hugs, anyway, Kirk.xoxoLara (again) Also my OCD is compelling me to correct the reference to the DSM – IV – not V. Is that it? Yes, I think so. Carry on, then.

  11. §abba says:

    Good on you for letting it out. Tranq them bears, hon'. *hugs*

  12. Matthew 25 says:

    Going back and reading your post on "regrets" made me aware of how useless that is. Thanks for posting.

  13. I hope you feel normal again soon, when I'm feeling depressed I head to despair.com for a laugh at the futility of it all, and to howl at the moon.Remember that every silver lining has a dark cloud at it's centre.

  14. Kirk says:

    Marie: *hugs you back* Thanks. Amazing how much that helps.M: What can I say? THANK YOU SO MUCH for being my light in the dark last night. You're truly a blessing in my life (no matter how much you hate that word). Love you, lady!Lauri: I'm amazed at the number of kindred spirits I've met here. And you were one of the very first!1000: Thanks, babe. *wipes nose*EWQ: Yeah. It's weird. Sometimes I think these episodes are driven by the moon or some shit, because so many of my friends suffer at the same times I do.Bouche: Thanks, bro. Things are getting better all the time. :)Michelly-shell: Gawd, don't I know it. And I owe Marque everything for continuing to remind me of that all day. She was a lifesaver.devonrex: That was just the place I was in yesterday. I didn't put that much into it, but I couldn't help but wonder about those who play that really can't afford to and my heart went out to them.m&b: I couldn't even tell you how I'm classified. There's paperwork somewhere, but I don't see a shrink anymore and I don't take a bunch of psychoactive medications, so I've completely removed that info from my memory. My episodes are relatively infrequent nowadays (three or four times a year, about) but there are severe.Sabba: You are the QUEEN of the apostrophe! You already know where this puts you in my book.Matthew25: Yup, it's a waste alright. And yet, even I need to learn from my own posts sometimes. Ugh.fallen: The eternal pessimist, eh? Well, like they say, pessimists are the happiest people because they're never disappointed. Thanks for the support, man. Despair.com rocks. My newest fave is Consistency: It's Only a Virtue if You're Not a Screw-Up.

  15. Brown Suga' says:

    I'm having this day too … but hope you're feeling much better now.

  16. Kiss Me Cate says:

    I go through the same lulls myself. Sometime it helps to get it out. Turns the down feelings almost comical.
    Hope things are looking up soon!

  17. Jay says:

    Kirk – don't make me call Cthulhu. He hates moody guys.Aaaaaaand pretty much everything else. ^_~Honestly, thanks for Vox. It has helped me out of a few holes, and I'm sure it helps you too. Thta's what it's – we're – here for.

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