Dear Karin

You, sweet woman, know better than anyone what becomes of me when I drink.

I am the crippling despair from a beloved pet's death.

I am that feeling of dread that comes when you realize you are lost.

I am a torturous pain you've been awaiting with horror.

I am an old woman's heart breaking from loneliness.

I am the tumor that promises to consume your brain.

I am a complete loss of hope.

I am the prospect of dying alone.

Today marks 1,353 days since I have tasted even a single drop of alcohol. I will give you another 1,353 days, and after that, another. I will continue to do this, a day at a time, until my days end, so that hopefully, at least one of us will not die alone.

I hope you are able to see that everything I do is in some way directly related to the fact that I love you more than anything in this world. There is nothing I would not give up for you, nothing you needed me to do that I wouldn't do happily.

And this is why I refuse to allow the hardships of recent days to press me down the neck of a bottle. It is your love for me that pulled me from the bottle in the first place; it is my love for you that keeps me out of it now.

Know that I love you even when it seems like I don't.

Read and post comments


About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
This entry was posted in Can I Say Something? and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Dear Karin

  1. jaypo says:

    Courage, my friend. One day at a time…

  2. J says:

    Very powerful truths darlin. My best to you. xo

  3. Marie says:

    Kirk..this is beautiful!!
    Put a copy on Karin's pillow tonight.

  4. Marque says:

    i said this to you already but it bears repeating – this post sums you up, kirk – compassionate, loving, beautiful soul, and damn funny (your tags…heh).love you bunches and….yes…we will all be alright. xxoo

  5. Jay says:

    You're a strong one, Mr. Starr.

  6. Sol says:

    I'm not a strong willed person, so I admire you a lot. Add a bit of envy, too! 🙂
    You are a fantastic person, and I think Karin is a very lucky woman.

  7. IG says:

    thanks for sharing this with us, kirk. you are awesome, a real-life superhero. karin is incredibly lucky to have you, as you are to be with her.

  8. Brown Suga' says:

    You are a wonderful man, and I'm sure Karin knows it too. Wishing you both more happiness.

  9. lizzy says:

    i hope she reads this, kirk. it's beautiful.

  10. Rob says:

    All the best Kirk. You have many friends here behind you.

  11. §abba says:

    This is amazing. Karin is totally blessed to have you. I feel privelaged to have a look inside such an understanding relationship. Thank you.

  12. Lauri says:

    Wonderful, Kirk.Big hugs to you and Karin! :))))

  13. Kirk says:

    Deeply heartfelt thanks to everyone for your wonderful comments. I'm honestly touched.I had written this as therapy, then I posted it and almost immediately deleted it. But in the short time it was up, a few did read it, and I received encouragement from several dear friends (you know who you are) to re-post it and/or make sure Karin saw it. I did both… solely as a result of the love of people in my 'hood.Thank you!

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