Snatching Cash Right Out of the Air

So McAfee is here today giving people a chance to win cash and prizes by making idiots of themselves inside this money-blowing chamber. The fake McAfee Money is exchanged for actual US lucre and the colored pieces of paper designate nifty prizes.

This is a lot harder than it looks, kids. First of all, there are rules. You can’t put the money in your pockets and you can’t hold your shirt open to catch it. You have to grab it out of the air and hold onto it. Secondly, you have to wear the Elton John specs, which seriously mess with your vision (as well as your dignity).

You get to keep whatever you grab in twenty seconds.

So here’s the thing. Imagine you have your hands full of, say, six bills each. You know the prizes are worth way more than the money in your hands. Do you keep the wads of cash you have or do you grab again, releasing the money in that hand in the hopes of snagging one of the colored slips that might get you a laptop or something fabulous like that? Decisions, decisions.

Interestingly, standing in a money tornado causes you to make very bad choices.

As you might expect, I have some pointers for those of you who one day find yourself inside an over-sized vacuum cleaner grabbing at gusts of greenbacks:

1. The Safe Hand Method

Grab with both hands until one of your hands seems chock full of bills. This hand we’ll call your “safe hand.” Once you’ve decided on a safe hand, grab with the other hand only for the rest of your time, placing whatever you get into the safe hand. This way, once you have something, you don’t lose it again because the safe hand isn’t opening up to grab stuff. You can stick more and more bills into that hand without losing any as long as you’re careful.

2. No Discrimination

Don’t focus on any one bill. If you spend time trying to grab a specific slip, you’ll end up with nothing. It’s totally a random-grab sort of thing. The bills are simply moving way too fast to be singled out.

3. Get Your Freak On

A lot of money will stick to your crotch*. In fact, in most cases, once the wind is turned off, there will be more money falling from your crotch than you have in your hands. One strategy might be to just keep plucking bills from that region for the entire twenty seconds (which is totally within the rules). It’s just a matter of whether or not you mind a crowd of people with digital cameras watching you stand in a display case grabbing your privates over and over.

*What a wonderful sentence, huh?

Read and post comments

Advertisements

About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
This entry was posted in Can I Say Something? and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Snatching Cash Right Out of the Air

  1. Kevin Wolf says:

    Wisdom for the ages, sir.

  2. RedScylla says:

    Oh, thanks, man. I needed that laff to get me through the boring meeting ahead. Everytime I wish for death in this meeting, I'm just going to think of you grabbing money off your crotch.

  3. Lauri says:

    Oh yeah, laughing really loud. Crotch cash. When the wind stops all the money will fall from your crotch.

  4. crotch cash. it's not just for strippers anymore

  5. I look at that contraption and think, 'I want safety goggles because that is a blinding paper cut just waiting to happen.'

  6. little miao says:

    lol! wow, you only get 20 seconds?? That's intense!

  7. Kevin Wolf says:

    Something about that thing makes me think of sitcoms from the 70s. Didn't Laverne and/or Shirley get in one of those things once?

  8. Amanda says:

    We had one of these every year at our school's fundraising shindig. Middle school. High school. Everybody did it! I was too chicken to get up in front of all the people though and try to score some cash.

  9. Marque says:

    this is awesome! and the tags – HAHA. blowing dead presidents – my gawd..priceless!i wanna go in there! i don't mind grabbing my crotch in public. especially for money. if there was money there all the time – i would just walk around like that!

  10. bouche says:

    Good suggestions sir :). Did you walk off with any groovy gifts?

  11. Kirk says:

    "Didn't Laverne and/or Shirley get in one of those things once?"You know, Kevin, now that you mention it, that's rings a bell with me too. I quickly perused the episode guide at TV.com and couldn't find a reference to it."i wanna go in there! i don't mind grabbing my crotch in public."Ha! I actually thought while I was in there, "Marque would love this.""Did you walk off with any groovy gifts?"Afraid not, but only because I'm not in sales. The booth was for salespeople who sold the required amount of McAfee products. I was there taking photos for advertising and "proof of performance". The guy running it just let me try it out for the fun of it.I did have about twenty bills and at least one colored slip in my hand when I was done. Never looked to see what the prize would have been. That would have just hurt too much. 😉

  12. Wise choice not looking what prize you didn't win, I agree that would have been painful.

  13. Cortadito says:

    "A lot of money will stick to your crotch" I'd like permission to use this as my new tagline for my Vox. It's that good.Great story!

  14. bouche says:

    Now did those specs interfere with knowing the color of the colored strips floating around? That seems like a clever way of keeping people from purposefully snatching certain colors.

  15. Kirk says:

    Cortadito: Permission granted. ;)Bouche: No, you could make out colors, but as I said, if you went snatching at individual bills, you ended up with nada. The bills are whirling around so fast, there's no way to snag a particular one.

  16. Brown Suga' says:

    LOL!!!! Sounds like a hoot.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s