I got a kick out of something Ray said in today’s Achewood strip. After Simon Cowell tells him he was never a Nazi skinhead, Ray replies, “Funny how Photoshop disagrees.”
I love that… you know, me being a Photoshop expert and all.
"Funny how Photoshop disagrees."
The implication of that sentence isn’t the least bit subtle: be nice to me or I’ll manufacture so much photographic evidence proving you moonlight as a transvestite hooker that by the time it’s revealed the photos were doctored, the public* will have already picked you clean and moved on to the next future pariah!
The hamster in my head started working that wheel overtime. What an interesting ability to be able to make the president actually look like a chimpanzee. Or put a guy’s head on a woman’s body. The possibilities are endless!
Then it occurred to me that not everyone who is proficient at Photoshop is as nice as I am and that perhaps my friends at VOX would appreciate some guidelines to help them post pictures that won’t make things overly easy for the random vindictive Photoshopper. Hell, it's quite possible that most of you have no idea that by now your likeness has probably been turned into an anthropomorphic fox in some twisted online comic by a very lonely dweeb who calls himself "Phurrysh0p".
So, to be on the safe side when posting pictures of yourself on the ‘net, think very carefully before posting any photos that show you…
…holding up an inanimate object and kissing/licking it.
…in profile with your mouth wide open.
…taking a drink from a water fountain.
…having water (or anything else) sprayed in your face.
…straining your face for any reason.
…buttoning your shirt or pants.
…wearing a Members Only jacket.
…handing money to a woman in thigh-boots and a halter at a truck stop.
…having sex with an inflatable sheep.
If you use these criterion as your Image Posting Yardstick, you’ll make it that much more difficult for people to create posters showing you in a… compromising position, so to speak.
*Other words that may be substituted for “the public” include: “your coworkers”, “the parishioners”, and “your wife”.