Let’s just say for a second that I didn’t believe in due process and the prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment. Then let’s say I had to make a few snap judgments about some privileged people currently in trouble with the law and offer suggestions for punishment. Were that a position I found myself in, I’d be forced to issue the following decrees (in no particular order):
1. Michael Vick is a barbaric, punk-ass thug who knew damn good and well what was going on at Bad Newz Kennels on his Virginia property.
He should be forced to fight to the death with someone as vicious and inhuman as he is. If he refuses, he should be hung and electrocuted until he either dies or gets in the ring.
2. Phil Spector is a tiny-dick loser who couldn’t convince beautiful Lana Clarkson to have sex with him, so he shot her in the face.
He should be shot in the face after fending off sexual advances from a supremely ugly Hollywood has-been.
3. Lindsay Lohan is a spoiled, alcoholic brat who seems to have a remarkably tough time maintaining control of her actions and lacks any sort of concern for anyone but herself.
She should have her fortune completely stripped and be forced to spend the next decade working retail and riding the bus. Oh, and she should also be forced to always wear panties.