One Fine Morning at a Local Starbucks

In front of me at the drive-through is a pristine 2007 Ford Mustang. It’s burgundy with a black ragtop. The woman behind the wheel wears designer sunglasses and a ring on every finger. I notice these things as I watch her brush her great big hair with well-practiced flourishes. I’m bored. My attention starts to wander and eventually settles on the Mustang’s customized license plate frame. It reads:


At times like these it's difficult for me not to resort to cheeky judgmentalism. I have to work very hard at reminding myself that I don’t have the whole story. Maybe this woman isn’t the soul-sucking professional divorcée I imagine her to be and is instead burdened by an impotent husband who can’t go two seconds without informing the world how he possesses everything.*

*sigh* Sadly, a scenario like this seems to always get me bashing on one person or another. I clearly have some more meditating to do on the nature of vanity. And hypocrisy.

But what I’d really like to find an answer to is why someone would be wearing sunglasses at 5:39 in the morning. That one might forever elude me.

*Everything, that is, except contentment, personal dignity and the respect of his peers.

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
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25 Responses to One Fine Morning at a Local Starbucks

  1. As a woman, I've never understood this particular type. I don't understand why a woman would be proud of that. And what kind of man that would be interested in that. It scares me. And it's not necessarily bashing. It's a different lifestyle, clashing up against yours and thrusting itself in your face at 5:39am on a monday morning. Not very digestable — you hadn't even had your coffee yet. 🙂

  2. Budd says:

    Hmm. I guess yelling, "he bought you, used you, and then traded you in for a younger model (pun intended)" would have been in bad taste.

  3. Emmi says:

    LOL Kirk you know as well as I that the next reality show will be a contest of who can create the most snide, arrogant and entitled bumper sticker. And who can have the image to go with it.
    Maybe the woman is an actress in a really funny movie and the car had to fit her character's image. Yeah, that's it. She's just pretending.
    I have a sister who has that kind of trashy image, and she's just a bit immature. She's not evil, honestly. Just has some growing up to do. Oh well.
    And BTW, I wear my sunglasses all the time because certain days I'm feeling pissy and I don't want to look anyone in the eye. Maybe she's just bashful LOL.

  4. Kirk says:

    "Hungover."I considered this one, but with already cloudy vision from the hangover, wouldn't shades just render one legally blind?

  5. Emmi says:

    LOL what, have you been following me? 😉

  6. Patricia says:

    *Groan* Women like that bug the crap out of me. She has so little on the inside that she needs to put a show on the outside. If I could cue up that song Golddigger, I'd have to blare it and dedicate it to the skeeze in front. 🙂

  7. AmyH says:

    I think arrangements like that are just legalized, longer-term prostitution. The rich guy buys the hot chick because she'll trade sex for use of his money. Then he sees a 'better' gal, provides first hot chick with a buyout package and purchases his next piece of human bling.
    The girls who do this know the game as well as the men do. To them this is normal, perfectly acceptable personal business arrangements.
    I couldn't do it and I can't understand those who do. But it's been around in one form or another for as long as there have been men with financial stability and women who are looking to get it.

  8. AmyH says:

    … which also reminds me of last Thursday. I was out for drinks with a girlfriend and a 72-year old man sat down right next to me and proceeded to tell us how rich he was. He was not even subtle about trolling for a young thang looking for an elderly Sugar Daddy.
    I was really creeped out and couldn't leave fast enough. Blech.

  9. Perhaps Lasik Surgery or more likely… crystal meth.

  10. jaypo says:

    I'm gonna play debil's advocate. What if her husband insisted on the license plate frame? Why do people automatically blame her? Hunh? Answer me that one…Maybe's—->> Maybe he adores the heck out of her and wants to spoil her with expensive toys. Maybe she adores the heck outta him and lets him spoil her. Maybe he wants the world to know he's got the money to treat his woman like a queen because that's simply how he is. He might be a great guy! Maybe he isn't impotent. Maybe he's virile and strong and they have a fabulous relationship.It's easy to reduce people to nothing but base motivation. It only takes a second.Shades at 5:30 am? I've trained myself to not care, but I do wonder.. Maybe she was driving due East. I can't help myself. I always look at the bigger picture to find reasons for the way people act.

  11. Kirk says:

    Your final thought raises a very good point, AmyH. Where do we go with a society in which certain women feel the need to behave this way and in which men are so easily able to get away with perpetuating it? Seems to me that this kind of scenario only proves the inequity present between men and women.

  12. jaypo says:

    LOL, Amy! You could've had another bad date story for us… 😉

  13. Crush says:

    I saw a brand new 500 horse custom Shelby yesterday. What I would've given for a long haired professional divorcee!!!
    ……driving was a fat, bald man—perhaps about 70 years old, complete with wife-beater tee, 70's disco medallion, hair falling out the top of his shirt and I'm pretty sure he was wearing some throwback Foster Grants, that weren't actually throwbacks.

  14. Kirk says:

    You may very well be right, jaypo. As I said, I definitely have some looking inwards to do. I guess all the jewelry and the über-coiffure swayed my opinion pretty drastically.

  15. Emmi says:

    I'm with Jaypo. There are plenty of women who support their husbands and women who make more than their male counterparts. There are all types.
    Plus which, if I was feeling punchy I might just slap some snide sticker on my car just to say "**** U" to the world for fun. As long as she's not driving like a Massachusetts maniac I could care less what sticker she puts on her car.

  16. AmyH says:

    Don't worry, Jaypo. Amy's Big Book of Bad Dates already includes a Sugar Daddy chapter.
    It wasn't so much of a bad date than an uncomfortable situation – it was a set up by some influential folks and I had to go for socially political reasons. Nice guy but the 30-year gap was a bit too much. From what I hear, other women didn't see it that way and his friends were trying to find him a 'nice girl' who wasn't chasing after his bank account.

  17. Kzinti says:

    I bought my wife an '06 Mustang for her birthday last year, but she doesn't have a custom plate or anything. Oh, and she just loves it. Ragtop GT, Zoom Zoom Zoom!

  18. CrowSeer says:

    It's possible that she bought it as an ironic licence plate frame… maybe…?
    I guess the "enlightened" attitude would be to appreciate the scene as a vignette, on its own terms, without judging… but I rarely have an enlightened attitude around people with more money than me! I've even developed a nasty habit of sneering when I pass people in suits who walk with a determined stride.
    Back to the meditation chamber…

  19. girl wonder says:

    There is a fairly wealthy businessman that attends my church (real great guy, generous, loving, friendly, everyone loves him), and his wife left him, and got a vanity plate that says "NOW FREE" "…" oh wait, there is more. Now she seems to be hanging around the church a lot, and she'll just walk into his house without knocking. It's really weird. The woman is crazy. I don't mind her coming to Church because she needs the WORD too, but woman, you divorced this man, don't go walking into his house uninvited you don't live there anymore. haha.

  20. stubbie23 says:

    There's a group of ladies at our local Starbucks that have garnered the nickname "The Gucci Mafia". The nickname came about by the amount of designer clothing and accessories they flaunt, and they have an obsessive leaning towards Gucci. What reminds me of your story is that most of them, if not all, are divorcees, and they all drive high end automobiles: Jaguar, Infiniti, and Lotus. One day I was sitting outside waiting for the rest of the motley crew I work with, and I overheard two of them bragging about what their previous husbands bank accounts were providing for them. Homes, cars, clothing, etc. They literally scared me into thinking, albeit momentarily, that I should never get married again.

  21. Cortadito says:

    Kirk, I agree that you should probably consider all of these other alternative explanations for the scene you observed this morning, and I'm sure you will. Only to discover you were right all along. ;)Seriously though, it is possible that it's not what you initially thought, but you strike me as the kind of person who would eventually give her the benefit of the doubt (or at least a little thought in that direction). But it's likely you saw something that was just as it seemed, and for what it's worth I'd have had the same initial reaction.The sunglasses, however, seem totally normal to me. Not sure why that was perplexing to you.

  22. Buying your wife a car is much different than having a mustang with a license plate frame like the above. My dad wanted to buy my mom a car for their 42nd anniversary but she said no. He's taking her to Paris instead, but I will guarantee my mother won't be wearing a "property of…" tshirt. Besides… after 42 years, the truth is, THEY paid for it. It's not the buying of gifts for your loved one, it's the claim of a 'kept' woman, and the fact that there are men and women who perpetuate that fantasy.

  23. Emmi says:

    BTW Kirk I think the fact that you're even questioning your irritation towards her shows that you're way ahead of most people, certainly me, in the Enlightenment department.
    I know that if I see one more bumper sticker that says "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" I will probably put nails in the road in front of them.
    Her bumper sticker, though, SO reminds me of the kind of stuff I pulled after bad breakups. The hair dye would go in, wild clothing and jewelry would be bought, man-hating slogans would be plastered everywhere and don't even get me started on what I'd do in my spare time! You can't blame a woman for rebelling once in a while.

  24. DRQ says:

    I drive a black GT Convertible Mustang. I love it! No license plate frames with quirky sayings, no bumper stickers, and no vanity plates. I drive it with my sunglasses on in the morning as well as the evening. Its my escape from work, family and kids, if only for a few minutes of the day. I feel good in that car, and I dont need to let every one know that I bought it, or that I am hot in it. It is my fantasy when I want it to be.

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