You’re Making Me Wiip

I read James Lileks’s Bleat regularly simply because he’s a great writer. I don’t really care how his daughter’s first show-n-tell went or what old movie he obsessed over this week and I hardly, if ever, agree with him on political issues; I just enjoy the way he puts words together. He’s a bona fide master of his craft as evidenced by his entry today which proves unequivocally that it is possible to solicit a huge favor from your readers without coming off as a supplicating boob:

Note to Nintendo: either make lots more Wiis or shut up about them. Please. My child wants one, and it looks like there’s no chance on this planet, or any parallel versions of it I might access through some sort of quantum portal, that I will get one. I could order one from one of Amazon’s Preferred Hoarders, but I will be switched and hoss-whipped down Lyndale Avenue before I pay some one $200 dollars over the sticker price. At least you could rename it. It’s not the Wii. It’s the Themm. Wii don’t have one.

Also, since my child has made this request of Santa, you will probably destroy her faith in his powers.

Look, I’ll even take one from the Chinese factory where they make everything out of Lead, including the marzipan and the dog food. Just send a Wii to James Lileks, Star Tribune, 425 Portland Av.. Minneapolis MN, 55488, and I will send you a check for the entire amount plus shipping and ten dollars for you to buy a nice dessert on us. Thank you.

Lileks has a massive readership and he knows it. I’m clever enough to see the screed above for what it really is and despite my aggravation that he can so easily get away with it, all I can really do is applaud him – because you just know someone out there is going to buy a Wii and send it to him. Hell, I’d do it if I wasn’t broke as a joke; I’m sure he's good for it.

For the record, the EB Games in the mall across the street from my office building has a dozen Wiis, one of which is right in the front window, just waiting to be bought for a mere $249.99. If you’re still looking for a Nintendo Wii and you live in the Seattle area or possess a magic sleigh you can use to get here lickety-split, I can hook you up.

As for the Lileks household, I guess if his daughter doesn’t get a Wii this year, he can parlay the experience into one of his wonderful lessons on the perfect nature of capitalism. I sincerely doubt it will come to that, though.

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
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15 Responses to You’re Making Me Wiip

  1. Lauri says:

    Haha, I love the "It's not a Wii, it's a them. Wii don't have one."

  2. Kirk says:

    Yeah, I agree, Lauri. The "Wii / Themm" bit is top-notch.

  3. SweetMisery says:

    Your right Kirk I bet he gets one Wii from them.

  4. RedScylla says:

    Here's my take: "Hoorah for any experience that destroys a child's faith in Santa." And what's a free market capitalist doing playing the Santa game? Didn't these people coin the phrase "no free lunch"?

  5. brownamazon says:

    It`s unethical for a journalist to accept gifts, solicited or not. Most papers have a strict policy. If he gets one, I hope his bosses make him donate it to an underprivileged kid.

  6. Greatness. My daughter got hit in the eye and got a gorgeous black shiner while playing Tennis Wii with a friend. (it was a wild serve I am told). I should blog about it. ha. Great play on words though. Classic. Wii vs. Themm

  7. Kirk says:

    You make a very good point, brownamazon. But if he's willing to pay the person back, is there still a conflict of interest?

  8. Lurkertype says:

    It's still using your position for personal gain, isn't it? Classic slippery slope.In my town, f'rinstance, the cops are not allowed to accept ANYTHING. No half-off lunch, no free coffee, no nothin' of any monetary value. A couple of guys took some half-off lunches and actually got disciplined and lost a day's pay. Don't know what the newspaper's rules are, but I bet they're similar.Santa is a socialist fantasy!

  9. Red Mosquito says:

    It's excellent writing. Now, I assume this guy makes a decent amount of money, probably more than you or I or you and I combined and that really if he wanted to he could pay twice the price and not even notice it. Maybe I'm just dreaming that writers actually get paid for what they write, especially when it's good and when people read it and it grows subscribers.
    So, just PAY THE DAMN MONEY AND GET ONE!
    We don't need a Wii. We got two PS2's in the house and Guitar Hero II and I still can't get past the easy level. Though, I'm not sure how Wii Guitar Hero would be… Would it truely be AIR GUITAR?

  10. CrowSeer says:

    > Santa is a socialist fantasy!
    That would explain why he wears so much red! Ooh, that gives me an idea for a remake of Miracle on 34th Street, featuring the re-animated corpse of Joseph McCarthy. And with the writers' strike on, this is perfect time to try pitching it!
    Meanwhile, my imaginary daughters have set their hearts on the last two Regina Spektor albums… just saying…

  11. CrowSeer says:

    Oh, kids can be so fickle! Now they're saying they'd rather have hugs from the woman instead…. so if anyone happens to have any spare hugs-from-Regina-Spektor lying around the place, then can they let me know? Thanks.

  12. nettiebettie says:

    I have scrambled many a time to fulfill Santa wishes so I can relate, though often we used the old "Santa doesn't make that kind of thing" excuse…didn't always fly when the cousins got everything they asked of Santa.
    ( g*damned sister-in-law!)

  13. brownamazon says:

    Depends on the media outlet. Some don't allow anything of any value. Some set a $10 limit on the value of the gift.The only exception is if you are reviewing a product or performance: some papers (like mine) allow "comped" tickets or review copies of cds and books. Other papers will pay for all that stuff. And technically, if you do get review copies of books or music, there are rules saying you aren't allowed to sell them secondhand. Although almost everybody I know does it.

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