Sick and Tired but Inspired

So I’ve spent the last few days wishing someone, anyone, would take pity on my wretched form and deftly cave my head in with a sledgehammer as I slept. Sadly, no one loves me quite enough to do me that particular favor, so I was left to suffer the chills and aches and dizziness and vomiting that so singularly characterize the motherfucking flu. Hey, fuck you, influenza! Fuck you right in your neuraminidase proteins!

Because there were ridiculous numbers of advertising dollars at stake, I absolutely had to be at work Monday morning, if only long enough to post the specifically timed ads our vendors had paid so much for. I was in the office for less than an hour and my work involved nothing more strenuous than clicking a mouse, yet by the time I crawled out to the parking lot to go home, I felt as if I’d just competed in eleven Tae Kwon Do tournaments. Especially felt it in the kidneys. Influenza is a cheating son-of-a-bitch who continually kicks you in the back.

It came on Saturday night and I’m still feeling it today in my shoulders and lats. Eating is still sketchy. I’m choosing what to eat based on softness, which is to say that I’m eating stuff that can travel either up or down with ease. Peach yogurt, for example. Apologies for the visual.

Getting dressed for work this morning, I noticed that the flap of my belt had become unwieldy. My fuzzy flu-brain didn’t actively determine the reason until I was standing in front of the mirror. My slacks were bunched humorously about my waist, looking like a cinched-up laundry sack. Out of the top of the sack came protruding an emaciated torso with a knit shirt literally hanging off it. The pale, sweaty head setting atop the whole mess eventually came around to realize what had happened: the flu had sucked six pounds of life out of me!

So here I am, completely behind on everything from blogging to snogging. It’s not a total loss, however, because it gave me a whole new opportunity to see just how readily the notion of compassion becomes manifest in my wonderful kids…

On my way home Monday morning, I stopped by the grocery store because I had a severe craving for Lipton’s Sweetened Iced Tea. I was dismayed to find that although the Raspberry, Lemon, and Honey versions were in preposterous abundance, there was not a single bottle of plain old sweetened black tea, sans froo-froo flavorings. I had barely enough energy to make the one stop, so I ended up going home empty-handed. When I arrived at the house, it was clear to Zach and Amanda that I was more than a little upset over failing to acquire the one thing I wanted to wet my hot, dry throat. My distress increased when I noted we were out of both NyQuil and Tylenol. I sulked off to bed dark with gloom and saddened by such a steady stream of disappointments.

When I got up a couple hours later, the kids informed me that they had solved my earlier dilemmas. Amanda had given Zachary some money and Zach had walked up to a 7-Eleven in the pouring rain – just over a mile round-trip – and purchased a bottle of Tylenol and three bottles of Lipton’s Sweetened Iced Tea. Zach held up one of the bottles of tea and said, “I hope this is the right thing.” It was. My love for the two of them shot up exponentially in that single instant. I like to think that’s when the flu finally started making its retreat. I do know I felt a bit better right at that moment.

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
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25 Responses to Sick and Tired but Inspired

  1. Carlisa says:

    What sweet kids! I hope you feel better soon. Enjoy the tea and take care!

  2. "behind on everything from blogging to snogging."You turn a mean phrase, sir. I've been in a really shite mood, but that one made me chortle. Well done.

  3. Jay says:

    Let's make the Kirkster feel better! **lifts shirt**C'mon Care Bears, stare!!! ***zzzing!!***

  4. I-Luv-Eeyore says:

    Great kids. Especially if they will walk in the rain for over a mile to pick up a drink and some medicine for you.
    I hope you feel like you can survive back among the living. Remember it takes a while to fully recover from the flu. If you push yourself to hard you will have a set back.
    Six pounds in less than a week? whoa…I hope you can keep it off (If you need to) and put it back on (if that is what you need.)
    Feel better.

  5. Kirk says:

    Ha! I had to go upstairs and ask Amanda, "OK, what the hell is Jay talking about?"She ran to her room, got her giant Harmony Bear and gave me a Care Bear Crash Course.So… thanks, Jay. I think it might've actually helped. Because there are few things as soothing as watching your daughter get all squeaky with her Care Bear.

  6. Kirk says:

    "Six pounds in less than a week?"Give or take. Our bathroom scale is a piece of crap. 😛 But yeah, I'm noticeably thinned out. Combined with the dark circles under my eyes, the effect is just lovely.

  7. Jay says:

    My pleasure. Being slightly younger than you I have some references up my sleeve that may be out of your range. And well they should. ^_~

  8. lauowolf says:

    There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that beats seeing what a swell kid you raised.Not just iced tea and tylenol, but care bear instructions.Awwww.Get well soon….and keep those nasty flu viruses away until Nutcracker finishes on the 16th.

  9. gt says:

    Oh, such a sweet, warm ending.I hope your flu ends soon as well!

  10. Brown Suga' says:

    Aw, man, that sucks. Feel better soon, hugs to you, and hugs to your kids for taking care of you.

  11. bouche says:

    Kurt, I hope you feel better soon.

  12. CrowSeer says:

    "Get well, get well soon, I hope you will get well!" I'm gonna make that song catch on if it kills me.
    And I salute Zach and Amanda for their services to healthcare!

  13. Crush says:

    might I recommend some Theraflu instead of Tylenol? They have daytime stuff, but the regular or nighttime elixir rocks. Take it about 9pm…dead to the world by 10 and no late night cough/weeze attacks. Feel better, Bud.

  14. tom says:

    Dude, your story has made me homesick. My dad was a cheating sonofabitch who continually kicked me in the back, and not a morning went by that mom didn't yell, with a Kool filter king bobbing in the corner of her loving sneer of a mouth, "Fuck you right in your neuraminidase proteins, you lazy bastard! Now get to school!" They're up for parole in aught-nine.Seriously, though, I'd recommend adding some Gatorade along with the Theraflu. I'm also a fan of NyQuil. Sorry, but whoever decided to mix an antihistamine with alcohol and call it "medicine" deserves a Nobel Prize.Feel better!

  15. jaypo says:

    awww, see what a little TLC can do!? Hope you're up and about, back to your old self soon, + 6 lbs.

  16. Jay says:

    …..AND stick a shot glass right on the cap for ya. That Vicks, they really got our backs.(Although who really uses the cup anyway? Come on.)

  17. studio524 says:

    awe. it sucks to be sick. i hope you're feeling better by now.i think we need to borrow some of Jay's care bear magic and send a truck load your way. yes. that'll work

  18. tom says:

    Roger that, re: the geniuses at Vick's. A little hydrocodone cough syrup and some Vick's VapoRub one night in college, and I was living a Carlos Castaneda novel for six blissful hours.

  19. Kirk says:

    Thanks for the well-wishes everyone! I am indeed feeling much better today, save for a minor headache that I think is resultant from a dramatic decrease in coffee intake over the past week. Caffeine withdrawal is a bitch, kids.But yeah, human faculties are mostly back to normal. Food sounds good again. Forehead lacks its previous sheen of sweat. I'm good to go for the weekend!

  20. Kirk says:

    "Although who really uses the cup anyway? Come on."I do, and I'll tell you why. Using a spoon requires 1) a steady hand and 2) a double swallow. Using the cup, you can be shaky, plus you get it all in one shot.I understand the no-cup argument though. I mean, it's pretty much only usable by the first person to get to it, right?

  21. Red Mosquito says:

    "the drugs in the bottle will kill any germs left in the cup", that's my motto. I usually rinse it out, don't want it to get all sticky.

  22. Jay says:

    I'm coming from the other direction, dude. I usually just chug it from the bottle. 😛

  23. Kirk says:

    Ha ha ha ha! I didn't even think of that! I guess I've been sober for so long I forgot about the whole "just give me the bottle" thing.I defer to your expertise and shall, in the future, make sure to always have my own personal bottle of NyQuil from which to swill unmeasured doses.

  24. lizzy says:

    okay i have tears. you have great kids kirk. 🙂

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