Christmastime in Bizarro World

A couple from the WTF files:

Reverse Criminology

CONYERS – Officers with the Conyers Police Department will… place yellow tickets on vehicles with packages or boxes of merchandise that are visible on the seats or floorboards of cars; in other words, vehicles that are easy targets for thieves.


Oh, this is a GREAT idea… if you loathe logic and happen to be a punitive asshole. Seriously, what is wrong with law enforcement in Georgia? How could they possibly think marking cars that are easy pickings for thieves is going to help stop theft? Their dubious logic dictates that because they are out on foot patrols doling out these helpful, bright yellow stickers, they are also out busting thieves. But the fact the tickets are so prominently noticeable only serves to demonstrate that the main objective is to punish the victim. Had the police actually wanted to warn shoppers without increasing the risk of theft, they would have designed discreet tickets. It's that simple.

This is a prime example of the Powers That Be making sure you get what they think you deserve.

A Marked Sense of Embezzlement

CLEVELAND – A contractor who helped discover bundles of Depression-era U.S. currency totaling $182,000 hidden behind bathroom walls said the homeowner should turn the money over to him or at least share it…

[The contractor] rejected his client's offer of a 10 percent finder's fee and demanded 40 percent of the small fortune.


OK, it’s bad enough that this tool thinks he deserves even a single penny of that money, but to insist the homeowner share the fortune and then turn down a 10% finder’s fee is nothing short of asinine.

I suppose if he’d have discovered a dead body we should try him for murder?

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
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14 Responses to Christmastime in Bizarro World

  1. RedScylla says:

    Wow. The cops are really getting into the spirit of Christmas.

  2. studio524 says:

    That's the craiest thing I've read in a while. As for the greedy contractor — *ugh* no words. He should be happy he was offered a reward. 10% of that take doesn't seem too shabby at all.

  3. Just two more examples of why people can be total asshats.

  4. Lauri says:

    Holy SHIT!I thought that the State Transportation Department designating rural roads as "Natural Beauty Roads" so that they do not have to trim foliage back from the roadsides was bad.This TOTALLy sucks. I wonder exactly which Complete Asshole came up with the yellow rob-me sticker idea???

  5. tom says:

    Maybe they could put special flags on Conyers mailboxes when residents are obviously out of town, just to help burglars know where to burgle. What boneheads. Thanks, as always, for keeping your finger on the pulse of assholery.Oh, yeah: and nice pun calling the contractor a tool. 😉

  6. Matthew 25 says:

    Boy and howdy…down here in Georgia, they go all out.

  7. Jay says:

    Ya know, if it was my house that the money was found in, I'd probably share some with the contractor just out of good nature. But if he piped up and said "you should give me some of that you know" he wouldn't see a dime of it.And to claim that it should be turned over to him! Or at least shared! No way. In fact, I'd hire another contractor altogether.As far as the yellow stickers go, that's just plain retarded. I'm sure they're the kind you can't get off without a razor blade too.

  8. Kirk says:

    I couldn't believe he turned down 10% to hold out for 40%. I hope he gets nothing and spends a long time contemplating how his greed screwed him out of eighteen grand.

  9. bouche says:

    It's strange he didn't take it himself and run off with it. My sister bought the house around the corner from me. The agent showed her around that said she got everything that came with it… In the garage, there was a nice collection of license plates from different states and some other neat things. She bought the house, walked in the garage — all that cool stuff was "stolen" between the time it was shown to her and her buying it. It's not why she was buying it, but it was a perk. I just can't believe how greedy people can be.With the ticket thing? Wow. Looks like they provided the unscrupulous with a new way to get a wii for Christmas.

  10. Jay says:

    And…."keeping your finger on the pulse of assholery."Makes me want to go wash my hands.

  11. Kzinti says:

    You gotta almost be a licensed Proctologist to deal with all these assholes today… And no, I don't waive the co-pay fee… LOL

  12. Brown Suga' says:

    Omgiawd. The yellow ticket idea is DUMB.
    And as for the contractor … no words.

  13. Lurkertype says:

    Georgia has always been so well known for its enlightened law enforcement, I can't imagine…bwa ha ha. ("You in a HEAP o'trouble now, boy.")I hope that contractor loses not only the money, but all his future business.

  14. Street Vein says:

    You can only smile at these shitholes and shake your head to rid their filthy residue from you. The GA police obviously don't have enough work to do if they have time to give Easy Pickin' alerts to criminals… sounds like they're trying to create work for themselves.As for the ridiculous contractor… the majority are thieves.. I used to be one, and most of my associates were seedy characters with questionable work ethics and lengthy criminal records.

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