It’s Funny ‘Cuz It’s True

I wrote a “standard” joke a couple days ago and having now received a glowing reaction from the majority of a diverse selection of people, I’m confident that it is in fact a Good Joke. So I’m going to share it with you, my VOX peeps. I’ve made it “Neighborhood Only” because it is… dirty. You’ve been warned. Here we go:

Hugh Hefner, Bob Guccione, and Larry Flynt go into a bar. They see a gorgeous young woman sitting at a small table drinking alone.

Hugh Hefner says, “I’d love to get her out of her clothes and take pictures of her.”

Bob Guccione says, “I’d love to get her out of her clothes, slather her in motor oil, and take pictures of her.”

Larry Flynt says, “Hey, you guys think I can fit my pecker in this beer bottle?”

I’ll just give you a moment to regain your composure. I know it’s hard to quit laughing. Take your time.

Yeah, believe it or not, that joke was born from a conversation I was having with Amanda about the various “tiers” of periodical porn. She was understandably grossed out by the knowledge, gained from misdirected mail, that her sixth grade teacher had a Playboy subscription. I was trying to point out how it could have been soooooo much more disturbing, that it could have been a Penthouse or, worse, a Hustler or Swank inside the thin, black plastic bag that did absolutely nothing to conceal its contents. I learned quickly that Playboy’s reputation for intelligent articles and quality entertainment news did nothing to alter Panda’s opinion that it was a skeezy magazine and that her former schoolteacher was skeezy for subscribing to it. Fair enough.

The most common comment I’ve gotten about this joke is that the punch line surprises people. This was, of course, the intention and I’m delighted that so many people responded the way I wanted. A lot of people told me they thought the joke was going to go in a different direction – specifically, that it was going to make fun of Larry Flynt being in a wheelchair (you’ll note I said “go” into a bar instead of “walked” into a bar). My friend J, jokester extraordinaire, told me he thought the punch line was going to be that Larry Flynt says he just wishes he could walk over to her and say hello. That’s a pretty good alternate punch line, but I like mine better because it doesn’t leave any room for the audience to feel compassion for a loathsome piece of shit like Larry Flynt. Can’t have that, can we?

Love to know what you guys think. Is it a Good Joke? Should it become my new standard off-color gag? Or do I stick with my octopus joke?

Read and post comments

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
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26 Responses to It’s Funny ‘Cuz It’s True

  1. Roboco says:

    ok, so i liked the larry flynt punchline — it was totally unexpected, and therefore it is funny. (i so declare.)
    but the octopus joke? HYSTERICAL! i seriously feel out of my chair laughing.

  2. Kirk says:

    "I don't get it."It's a commentary on how Hef wanted to take "tasteful" pictures of naked women, Guccione wanted to dirty it up a little, and Flynt was just a sick fuck who happened to publish porn magazines.

  3. Yeah, I know who they are, I like porn (for girls – of men). I sincerely mean no disrespect or snark, I honestly just don't get it. I'll tell it to my Dad this weekend and see if he laughs!!!

  4. Kzinti says:

    All I could think of was a flashback in Family Guy, with Larry Flynt being Quagmire… Hmmm… Giggidy giggidy goo!

  5. Kirk says:

    Ha! I don't worry about you disrespecting, gb. In fact, I thought at first that maybe you were just being dryly ironic.Let me know how how your dad reacts to it.

  6. my two cents: porn guys joke = funny octopus fucking a bagpipe joke = too hilarious to be expressed in words

  7. Kevin Wolf says:

    I'm not feeling it. Problem is, it's not dirty enough. Penthouse, for instance, does a lot of girl-girl stuff, maybe go that way with Guccione's comment. Flynt's should be completely beyond the pale.

  8. Kirk says:

    I like the idea of making Guccione's line a girl-on-girl thing. That's awesome advice. You get free tickets to my first stand-up performance. :-PI can make Flynt's line something nastier, but I want to make sure it stays completely unrelated to the girl. I really want to drive home the point that to him, making porn was secondary to being a slimy piece of shit.But with two votes for the octopus joke (thanks Roboco and Sixbucksamonkey), I'm a long way from making this porn joke my new standard. That's cool. It's clearly still a work in progress.

  9. Lauri says:

    I liked it a lot!
    I love unexpected twists (ow, not that kind) and that is usually what makes me laugh the most!
    Now…off to read the Octopus joke!

  10. Lauri says:

    Oh yeah, I SO like the Octopus joke, but that's because I love animals, and it's quite cute, too! LOL!! Get it's pajamas off!
    Love it!
    Here's the only joke I ever made up (brought about by Don Imus' "ho" controversy)
    "Is it still alright for the Seven Dwarfs to say "Heigh ho, heigh ho?"
    "Yes, as long as they aren't saying it directly to Snowwhite."
    Thanks, folks, I'm here all week.

  11. SweetMisery says:

    The octopus joke is better. Although I still have a visual of a dick going in a beer bottle. thanks. tee hee

  12. Kevin Wolf says:

    In that case, Flynt's line should be: "Hey! I bet you I can fit my dick in this beer bottle!" More aggressive, "dick" is funnier than the childish "pecker", and you suggest that he has a little dick and knows it.

  13. Kevin Wolf says:

    Guccione's line (a suggestion): "I'd love to get her and her friend out of their clothes, and take pictures of them together."

  14. Kirk says:

    Huh, I've always thought "pecker" was a hysterical word. But if "dick" is better, then wouldn't "cock" be tops? I dunno. Comedy is such a complicated affair.The implication Flynt's got a tiny wee-wee was always there, but it definitely needs to be more notable.Shit, at this rate, I'm gonna have to give you half the writing credits.

  15. jaypo says:

    I like it alot, k! It's like, well, if that's all LF can do with it now, he'll do it. (Didn't like the alternative punchline. And I LOVED the octopus joke.)

  16. Kevin Wolf says:

    No, cock is just dirty, and it's a fun word, but "dick" is the way to go here. TRUST ME on this.

  17. DKN says:

    Good joke! I love the octopus one, too!

  18. Kevin Wolf says:

    ALTHOUGH, if you speak Flynt's line with his hillbilly accent, the word "pecker" will work. But ONLY THEN.

  19. Lauri says:

    "Pecker" is just a funny word, altogether. Unless you are a bird, of course.

  20. Hmmm… what is smaller than the mouth of a beer bottle? A thimble? A ChapStick (TM) cap? A Barbie (TM) shoe??? I dunno…Now, "peckerWOOD," that's a funny word. However, I have always thought that "pecker" in the anatomical sense had a connotation of dinkiness and inadequacy. But CLEARLY Kevin knows more about this than me. =D

  21. octopus fucking a bagpipe joke = too hilarious to be expressed in words
    HILARIOUS!
    Hmmm… what is smaller than the mouth of a beer bottle? A thimble? A ChapStick (TM) cap? A Barbie (TM) shoe??? I dunno…
    A cheerio. I once had issues with the fuckhead that sat behind me in science class in the 8th grade. I forget what the whole thing was but it was about him acting "that way" because he had a tiny dick, and I brought in a cheerio and told him to go fuck that…

  22. RedScylla says:

    Meh. Never mind compassion for Larry Flynt. He's a better conversationalist than Guccione and Hefner put together, so for me the joke would be funnier if it pointed that fact up. Espesh, since Hefner always gets treated like he's a "class act." Whatev.

  23. Brown Suga' says:

    But not as funny as the Octopus joke. That one wins pants down, pun intended!

  24. CrowSeer says:

    Funny! Because, as you say, the punchline is a "WTF?" type jolt. I didn't actually know who the second guy was, but it still works…

  25. Lurkertype says:

    I think "pecker" is funnier than "dick" in this context. It emphasizes the smallness.

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