It Gets Better By the End

Geez, has it really been three days since I’ve posted anything? Crap. Even longer than that if you’re looking for something of any substance. Well, I’m afraid today’s random assortment of sundry anecdotes isn’t going to do much to help my record. I'll get the rant out of the way first…

Oscar Grouch

Got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning in a bad way. Had a not at all relaxing shower and climbed into a monkey suit that barely conformed to the company dress code. I went out to the living room to put on my socks and shoes and the first thing I saw on the television was a news story about the Academy Award nominations.

I fucking lost it.

“Who the fuck cares!?” I shouted at the TV screen. “There are people in the world eating bugs to stay alive, but hold every-goddamned-thing because Brad Pitt* needs another mother-fucking trophy for his mantle! Fuck!”

It was an excessive display. I’m not proud of it, but at the same time I stand by the sentiment. I enjoy a good motion picture as much as anyone, but I refuse to get all excited about an obscenely opulent party for people whose egos don’t get enough validation from the 20-million dollar paychecks they pull down per film. Sorry, but there it is. The amount of money someone like George Clooney or Cate Blanchett is going to spend on the evening’s wardrobe would be enough to feed a small country, so it’s hard for me to give a shit if they end up with an eight-and-a-half pound gold-plated statuette.

How Many Points In “THIEF”?

Playing Scrabble last night with Karin and Panda, I experienced the equivalent of having another player kick me in the nuts, expertly and with both feet. I sat oh-so-patiently for about ten minutes waiting for my turn so I could add the letters O, I, T, E, and R to an L that was just begging to be played on. Amanda seemed to be having trouble coming up with a word (the television being on wasn’t helpful) and although my five-letter play wasn’t going to earn me a ridiculous number of points, I was anxious to get my tiles down.

Suddenly Amanda’s face lights up and she starts counting spaces on the board, starting at the very same L that I was waiting to play on. But then, as if the fact she was totally screwing up my play wasn’t bad enough, she places the exact same letters I was going to play!

I couldn’t believe my eyes. It couldn’t be, but there it was. LOITER. What were the odds? Who would have guessed that five of the seven letters Amanda had in her rack were identical to mine and that she’d play them in the precise manner and location I had intended? The mind reels.

Know When to Fold ‘Em

Remember when I posted about wanting to learn how to fold money into interesting shapes? Here it is one month later, and I now have in my possession the very book I had my eye on. I have spent a decent amount of time – by which I mean about fifteen minutes – trying to make the goddamned two-dollar squid and have come to the conclusion that origami is not something to do while driving. Origami is hard, people! I’ll let you know when I can make something recognizable.

*Before you inform me that Brad Pitt isn’t nominated this year, let me ask what part of “who the fuck cares?” you didn’t understand.

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
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5 Responses to It Gets Better By the End

  1. Cat says:

    Even when you are pissed the fuck still make me laugh…And I NEED to laugh today…(((Hugs)))

  2. shush now says:

    The oscars make me grumpy, too. But the dresses are SO PRETTY and everyone is so shiny! What can be bad about that?(Aside from the fact that instead of giving a bunch of ridiculously rich people goodie bags full of things that they don't need and could buy for themselves, they could erase Africa's debt.)

  3. Austin1234 says:

    Yeah the media goes really overboard on the whole Oscars thing, which is about as much fun to watch the proverbial watching paint dry…and if I ever see Ryan Seacliff again in my life I will barf till there is no tomorrow…but the thing is its really just a marketing campaing for the film industry, which is America's number one domestic export…so on it goes….

  4. snoringKatZ says:

    I haven't watched an awards show since … um… never, I think. Bleh – boring.Cozmic Scrabble weirdness! Did you get any tingling feelings while you were thinking about your letters? Maybe you transmogrified hers and that's why it took her so long to place the word. Her letters were still changing into yours!I can fold George Washington into a mushroom but beyond that ya got me.

  5. MoonCat says:

    I had to go to an Oscar party one night. Nobody understood why I was so grumpy and spent as much time as I could being sarcastic and rude. And in the bathroom. Texting for help.

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