You Can’t Fucking Spell But You Can Quote Abortion Statistics

Look, people*, if you don’t know the difference between “you’re” and “your”, then you’re too damn ignorant for me to concern myself with your opinion on, say, politics.

Because, see, you’re going to have a hard time convincing me you know what you’re talking about when it’s obvious that speaking your own native tongue is so difficult for you. How am I supposed to believe you understand the nuances of complicated political concepts when you can’t even spell or use proper grammar?

But I want to help. Really, I do. So I offer these elementary tips to help you at least begin to start looking as smart as you dream of being.

    1.    Try reading something besides Guns and Ammo.
    2.    Bookmark dictionary.com.
    3.    Actually use dictionary.com.
            (You don’t even have to know how to spell!)
    4.    Discover the Discovery Channel.
    5.    Shut up and listen for once.
    6.    Hang out with people smarter than you (aka liberals).

Remember kids, it is better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

Sincere apologies to my well-educated conservative peeps. I do this for the good of us all. I can’t help it that I’m snarky. You have no idea how badly I wanted to link to specific examples that abound right here at VOX.

Suffice it to say that if you're in my neighborhood, this post wasn't about you.

*And by that I mean you insipid right-wing rednecks who actually believe “y’all” is an English word.

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
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43 Responses to You Can’t Fucking Spell But You Can Quote Abortion Statistics

  1. AmyH says:

    I felt really guilty laughing at your footnote, considering how serious the rest of your post is.
    I agree whole heartedly. I have a rule – if you want me to take you seriously and listen to your opinions, use your grammar and your brain, not your frothing at the mouth emotional reactions.

  2. Yoj says:

    (with quivering lip) but I say y'all! AND all y'all.
    Haha. Okay, I laughed at that footnote too. 🙂
    Not much longer buddy and he'll be DUNZO.

  3. Kirk says:

    "I felt really guilty laughing at your footnote, considering how serious the rest of your post is."Never feel guilty laughing at my posts. I'm a humorist before anything else. If you're laughing, then I'm happy. ^_^
    "…use your grammar and your brain, not your frothing at the mouth emotional reactions." Exactly. But even emotional reactions can be acceptable as long as they're intelligent. I can't believe the unmitigated ignorance I'm seeing in political debate recently. It's staggering.

  4. Kevin Wolf says:

    YOUR GOIN TO HELL LIBRAL BABY-KILLING FAGGIT WHY DONT YOU MOVE TO IRAK AND JOIN BIN LADIN YOU MUST BE A MUSLUM

  5. SweetMisery says:

    Kirk I enjoy your blog very mucho. I must admit I was very poor at English. Double motherfuckers and other fun things have always screwed me up. I hope that if I do not have perfectly diagrammable sentences that you think I don't have anything worthy and intelligent to say. I was born in Missouri and then traveled the USA from Coast to Coast. Wee Doogies. No matter where you go they have their own local weirdness. I think that is good. As long as the point of the post is understood and relevant please give me a chance.

  6. arbed says:

    wow, I can't hardly beleive your laffing at there grammer

  7. Kirk says:

    "…(with quivering lip) but I say y'all! AND all y'all."But, see, you do it knowing it's not actually a word. I've met people who are full-on surprised that it's not in the dictionary. >_<

  8. Yoj says:

    Oh, no shit? People actually think it's in the dictonary? Well, I guess if bootilicious is, then why not.

  9. Kirk says:

    Oh, sweetie, you have nothing to worry about! I'm not talking about the kind, well-traveled Missouri woman who happens to forget a comma once in a while. 🙂 I'm referring to the loudmouthed jerks who spew hateful accusations in political forums. They say some of the dumbest stuff, all the while trying to come off as intellectuals. It finally got to me and I had to rant.

  10. mariser says:

    but…but…what about us insipid left-wing rednecks who think* "y'all" is an English word?* and it it isn't, it should be, dagnabbit! noting that "y'all" refers to the singular form and the plural form is, of course, "all y'all"./ignorant yankees

  11. SweetMisery says:

    Comma, oh dear. I did get an email from a fellow who said I used to, too wrong. Excuse me. Thanks. Paranoid maybe. woot.

  12. I say y'all too. And now I'm gonna say it with a vengeance. 😉

  13. tom says:

    They're, their, Kirk. Yore overreactivating. I feel great sympathy for those brave souls teaching Freshman Comp these days. But, as J pointed out, at least we have an OED with "bootilicous" and "melty" included. I admit to saying "y'all"–I live in Cracker country, so I have to. However, I try two bee a good spellar when I Vox.

  14. Kirk says:

    Ha! You're so funny, mariser.I should occasionally reiterate that I am from West Virginia and also use the term "y'all" from time to time. I don't mean to offend anyone but hateful right-wingers who try to come off as political know-it-alls. They're the ones getting their biggest words from Gun World and Maxim.

  15. mariser says:

    no problem, y'all ;)you are from W. Virginia, you are allowed to make fun. but riddle me this: how come that every W. Virginian I've met lives outside W. Virginia?"West Virginia: a good place to be born in, not so hot to live there"

  16. IG says:

    Y'all was the first word I picked up when I was learning to speak Southern. I won't let you take it from me, Kirk. I won't. I'm proud of my adopted redneck country, dammit. (cries)But I learn something valuable from your blog every time I come here. F'rinstance I now know I need a new dictionary. Mine is way out of date and doesn't contain bootilicious or melty. OED, really?

  17. Kirk says:

    "West Virginia: a good place to be born in, not so hot to live there"BINGO! It's a beautiful state, but still very backwards in many ways. On the one hand, it's nice to have your grocery checker call you "honey" and to have your hot dog come with meat sauce, standard. On the other hand, it's downright painful to see the way blacks are treated.My father moved my mom and I away from there the instant he could afford to do so. I'm thankful to this day that he did.

  18. Kirk says:

    "Y'all was the first word I picked up when I was learning to speak Southern. I won't let you take it from me, Kirk."S'okay, IG. You can keep it. You've earned it. ;)I sincerely hope y'all aren't missing the point of my post because of the snarky footnote; forest for the trees and all that.Go ahead and use "y'all" all y'all want. But do take notice of how many staunch repugs have abysmal grammar and spelling. It blows me away.

  19. mariser says:

    yep. y'all did good.might as well you don't live in W. Virginia. imagine all the neighborhood cats making fun of DG and Diblet for being differently-pawed.

  20. mariser says:

    oh don't worry. we got yer post.I'm sure there isn't a shortage of ill-lettered staunch repugnicans in VOX, but somehow, the few who have darken my path reside in the mid- and south-west. …interesting…

  21. wow, I can't hardly beleive your laffing at there grammerIt is wrong come on Kirk's blog and be funnier him… just wrong..

  22. Kirk says:

    "…at least we have an OED with 'bootilicous' and 'melty' included."I used the word "melty" the other day playing Scrabble with Karin and Panda. When they questioned me, I cited Taco Bell. Good thing for them that they did not challenge.

  23. tom says:

    Thank God it was "melty" that made the leap from commercials to the OED, and not "cornthenticity" from the old Tostitos (?) ads. Or "Wessonality," from those dreadful Florence Henderson vegetable oil spots. It's a wonder our culture has wheezed along with all these new words.

  24. AmyH says:

    I like saying 'all y'all' in a very stilted and bland, nerdly white-bread Midwestern-y way. Same goes for "Get down with your bad self." It's just wrong the way I do it, which is what makes it fun.
    Come to think of it, I guess everything I say comes out naturally nerdly, white-bread and Midwestern-y.

  25. Kirk says:

    I like to use "Wessonality" to refer to people I think are a bit greasy.As in: "Yeah, that Rudy Giuliani has a serious Wessonality about him."

  26. tom says:

    …and nary a kernel of Cornthenticity.

  27. Lurkertype says:

    She was always so excited about the product, I couldn't help but figure that Mrs. Brady did non-cooking thangs with the oil. So "Wessonality" has always seemed raunchy to me."Melty" actually is a pretty good description.

  28. Emmi says:

    Geez Kirk don't loose your mind. (lol, I'm so damned funny…..)
    I should have done that in all lowercase to drive home my point. What did ever happen to the English language anyway? Probably out the window with our ethics and sense of dignity.
    On a side note, "Y'all" is making a comeback in Massachusetts. Yes, I'm baffled by that too.

  29. Yoj says:

    I just wanted you to know I had fried chicken livers for supper with biscuits and gravy and totally thought about you and this post.
    Ha!!

  30. R.G. Ryan says:

    Jeeze, don't have a nucular meldown, for petes sak.

  31. Miz Blo says:

    You if you say the words 'your' and 'you're' they sound totally diffrent. But you know how it is when you say something then you put it on paper your brain freaks the fuck out and refuses to write the proper word. If not that they are dumb as a door nail.
    'rednecks who think “y’all” is an English word' I swear it is. I just know it. *giggles*

  32. Lorelei says:

    "You have no idea how badly I wanted to link to specific examples that abound right here at VOX."

    Link it! Link it! Link it! (Though I'm with the horde from the hood that says y'all. Sometimes spelled ya'll. Don't hurt me!)

  33. Rev Stan says:

    Here, here. Now if you American's could just start speaking proper English then all would be well in the world ;0)

  34. RedScylla says:

    (psst! Kirk–do you actually know any well-educated conservatives? I mean, you can lead a horse to water, but…)

  35. G says:

    I'm sort of offended. I KIND of wanted it to be about me. Of course my language skills are great, though I do mush the grammar, but mostly on purpose so it doesn't really count. However…my views on the human race would make most rednecks go red in the face with shame.
    As for the liberals. Gawd. Give me a prejudiced dumb-ass redneck anyday over one of those tree-hugging, foul-haired, lice ridden, shit-for-brains li-buh-rals.
    Like the idea we're all the same…pah! Clearly a vast number of people are just plain stupid. Can't you tell…oh…wait… I see the problem…
    🙂

    PS: But I love ya really y'all know that dontcha?

  36. Kirk says:

    I name all my lice so, technically, they're pets. I'm an animal-loving liberal, after all. 😛

  37. G says:

    Gawd.
    Cthulhu would vomit if he knew the kind of acolyte you are….

  38. Kirk says:

    If, on the day of his dreadful return, Cthulhu eats me and then vomits me back up, I'll take that as an omen and turn my back on The Great Old Ones altogether. Until then, Cthulhu is still my copilot. 😀

  39. G says:

    Ye-es…I can see that…and the lice pulling your strings to direct your nefarious deeds….why…I…I feel my sanity dropping as we speak….can't even tell anymore if it's the Hot Terran Females or Cthulhu himself doing it…probably one and the same things really….

  40. Kirk says:

    "…can't even tell anymore if it's the Hot Terran Females or Cthulhu himself doing it…" Perhaps a combination of the two?

  41. G says:

    I see my problem in life… I mean… I'd hit it.
    And here's the problem…the eyes freak me out and those nipples could do some serious harm, so it would have to be doggie style while I hold her face down in case she bites…but see…despite all that rationalisation and forward planning I'd still put my dick in her and it wouldn't even cross my mind that somewhere near her uterus probably lies a voracious mouth with teeth in rows…. it speaks volumes for a metaphor of my life…thanks kirk. I think.

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