Even Killers Need a Well-Rounded Education

As a part of my ongoing mission to mercilessly ridicule gun-loving halfwits, I submit for your entertainment the most ridiculous periodical demographic ever: The Hunting Gardener.

Here we have Garden & Gun – a magazine for those who enjoy ending lives as much as they do starting them. Honestly, who in the hell thought, “You know what would be great? If we could learn how to clean a shotgun and acquire info on how to get orchids to bloom from the same magazine.

I can just imagine the kind of tips one might find in such a publication:

    Handgun Harvest: How to Pick Flowers by Shooting Their Stems Off

    Ghost It, Roast It and Compost It: Ten Ways Animal Carcasses Can Help Your Garden Grow

    Sniffy Lube: Make Your Own Gun Oil from Homegrown Skunk Cabbage

    BAM!: Spice Up Your Vegetable Dishes Emeril-Style… with Gunpowder!

    Them’s Fightin’ Words: The Etiquette of Commenting on the Size of Another Man’s Garden/Gun

    Mirror, Mirror: How to Continue Ignoring the Fact That Killing for Fun Makes You a Terrible Person

What do you suppose you get free with your two-year paid subscription? A round-point shovel that fires .308 Winchesters?

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
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13 Responses to Even Killers Need a Well-Rounded Education

  1. Crom74 says:

    "A round-point shovel that fires .308 Winchesters…"
    Now that would be cool.

  2. Patricia says:

    LOL!!!!!! Who knew that a magazine like that existed? They sure do go "hand in hand!" What'll they think of next??

  3. jaypo says:

    This is totally ridiculous, honest to god. What will these bored, rich, and senseless morons think of next…?

  4. tom says:

    I'll tell you why I'd subscribe: 'cause ain't no orchid never pissed me off enough to need shootin'. Plus, only so many words I can read in a month. Gotta git 'em all in one issue so's I can stay edyacated on my two favrit things: my glock and my begonias. (And I think a pitchfork that launched its tines like a spear-gun would be a lovely incentive)

  5. Red Pen says:

    At first I thought no way, this has to be a joke, along the lines of Sky Maul. But apparently this publication won second place for the 'hottest' 15 magazines launched within the past year. Whoa. Truly strange.

  6. RedScylla says:

    Okay, I'm confused. I own guns + I garden = this is the stupidest magazine idea I've ever seen. Am I just using a different calculator?

  7. Kirk says:

    Well, I'm sure there are plenty of people who enjoy killing animals as much as they do pruning some begonias. I just don't know any. Seems to me people who obsess enough about guns to subscribe to a magazine wouldn't be the sort to equally obsess about gardening.

  8. shush now says:

    There's a pretty girl on the cover!That makes this even more confusing. Guns and gardening- and hot surfer babes? A true potpourri of… eh… I got nothing.

  9. Budd says:

    Kirk, not everyone who own guns do so to shoot living things. Most hunters are gun owners, but most gun owners are not hunters. Marksmanship is an Olympic sport after all. The magazine is strange though. I would like to give it a once over to see what was inside.

  10. Kirk says:

    Yeah, I'm pretty much just railing against those who like to kill things, which is who I'm assuming this mag is for. Shoot up all the targets you want. Unlike deer and bunnies, targets actually enjoy being shot. 😛

  11. CrowSeer says:

    I don't understand… shouldn't the cover model have an empty beer can on her head? "So call me William Tell, or Agent Cooper to boot…"

  12. I'm going to play devil's advocate and reserve judgement until I actually read an issue of the mag. The first thought that comes to my mind is that it might be aimed at the farming community- they do have to grow things and a gun is needed on an isolated farm to shoot things, like rats, say, that get into chicken houses and eat not only eggs, which are the farmers livelihood, but even baby chicks. As for the lovely girl on the cover, well…I suppose even a farmer deserves alittel fun. Just a thought, guys.

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