A Wise Man Once Said… (Part 3)

Chicago Tribune columnist Mary Schmich famously said that "dispensing advice is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it’s worth." I like that, although it seems that some people don’t bother to wipe off or paint over anything. Some folks, like my dad, just give it to you au natural. No shiny coating. No fancy details. Just cold, hard truths that are both disturbing and enlightening at once. Let’s have a look at another of my dad’s colloquial stool samples.

Poo Is a Common Theme

Sad, but true fact: shit makes a very powerful metaphor. Many of the bits of advice my dad gave me over the years involved mentioning shit at some point. It was true of the example from last time and this post is only going further down that smelly, steamy, fly-infested road.

OK, so let’s say my dad and I were driving somewhere together – to get gas for the chainsaw so I could spend my whole fucking Saturday bucking up trees and splitting firewood, for example – and we happened to spy a rusted-out Chevy Vega with mag wheels, a bra, and a rear window louver. Without fail, he’d quip, “A polished turd is still a turd.”

He’d say the same thing about some fast-food joint’s new “gourmet” burger, which tells you that food wasn’t even off-limits when it came to fecal references.

Words of Wisdom: A polished turd is still a turd.

Translation: Potential is limited by provenance.

Not-So-Obvious Lessons: “Turds can be polished” and “Whether stock or custom, the Vega is a piece of shit”.

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
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7 Responses to A Wise Man Once Said… (Part 3)

  1. Austin1234 says:

    Never met your Dad, but he'd be welcome in my home any day. Turd polish and all. Great post!

  2. Erin says:

    "the Vega is a piece of shit"Hear Hear!

  3. Jay says:

    Polishing turds, shitting in your hands…..your dad sure liked to handle poop didn't he?

  4. SweetMisery says:

    lol……Great words of wisdom from Dad. Vega's were turds. omg

  5. CrowSeer says:

    Our tutors on the media course at college used to claim that "You can't polish a turd"… but that's innacurate, because you just have to wait for it to go hard, and then apply the polish, right? Your Dad's version makes far more sense. Also, one thing they forgot to mention to us, in relation to turd-y TV shows and films, is that a lot of people will pay good money to watch turds!

  6. Kirk says:

    "Our tutors on the media course at college used to claim that 'You can't polish a turd'…Your Dad's version makes far more sense."Good observation. It's entirely possible he modified the classic version to be more accurate.

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