For Those Who Support Painful Irony

So, what are the odds this piece of pointless crap was manufactured in a Chinese sweatshop? Wal*Mart's website lists the origin of the parts and manufacturing as "US and/or Imported". I'm thinking that description is only half right, and not the good half.

White kid. Giant fucking house. Perfect lawn. Expensive and unnecessary yard lighting. Hey, at least Wal*Mart understands their poor-little-rich demographic*. Too bad they're too damn cheap to pay a good Photoshop artist to mock up the ad. Lord. Captain Crew-Cut looks like he's glowing and levitating over a puddle of oil.

I swear, sometimes I have to wonder about the mentality of the average American. I'm headed over the the Wal*Mart near here to see if they have any of these ridiculous things in stock because I just gotta know if they are indeed made outside the United States. I'll let you know what I find out.

UPDATE: The Wal*Mart near my work doesn't carry them. I will have to check the Wal*Mart Superstore by my house.

*Seriously, isn't it amazing how many SUVs and Lexuses you see in Wal*Mart parking lots?

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
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31 Responses to For Those Who Support Painful Irony

  1. Laurie says:

    And then stick a pin in any you find?

  2. Jay says:

    Is that supposed to be a lens flare on that damned thing? Good god almighty. And what on Earth happened to the black channel in that house photo? It's been blown all to hell.I'm calling the Photoshop police.

  3. Kirk says:

    "Is that supposed to be a lens flare on that damned thing?"O_o Oh man, I didn't even notice that at first! Ugh. Now it's even worse!I was going to mention that it also looked like whomever 'shopped that pic went a bit overboard with the Levels Adjust, but I thought that would be too much on the jargon-y end of things. Obviously, I was wrong. 😉

  4. AmyH says:

    I'm conflicted. I'm amused by the irony part and saddened by the painful part.
    So here goes – *snerk* followed immediately by *big sigh and shake of head in disgust*

  5. Rev Stan says:

    The kid isn't even looking at it.

  6. Kirk says:

    Now that I look at it, that lens flare is actually a blown-up version of the four-point gleam Brush that comes stock with Photoshop. Damn, doesn't anyone make their own brushes anymore?

  7. Lauri says:

    Amy said it all for me, too!

  8. Certainly the best way to support our troops is to spend money on cheaply made crap that proclaims how supportive we are instead of, oh I don't know, cutting our fuel consumption and sending the troops a phone card or a care package. No wonder I can't get ahead in life – my priorities are all f#$ked.

  9. Jay says:

    I think there's actually TWO uses of the thing too. One right above the other.I like how they wanted to use it twice, but in neither case were that confident enough to make them 100% opacity. They hedged, but put in two.This image should work better than Ipecac for any graphic artist worth a sh*t.

  10. Jay says:

    HAHAHAHA ok ok ok ok….ok…….I was about to comment on how the "Coordinating Items" are an inflatable Palm Tree (with Monkey) and an inflatable Beer Mug….because no "Support Our Troops" message is complete without beer under a primate-infested palm tree…..when I clicked on the Beer Mug to see what other mad Photoshop skillz may be in use and checked out that inflatable TURD PRETZEL leaning against the beer mug!!! Oh god. I literally bust out laughing….I daresay, LOL'ed!!! Whew.Oh, and the lifestyle shots just keep getting better and better.

  11. Kirk says:

    "TURD PRETZEL" Oh. My. GAWD! That is totally an inflated dookie! Of course, that makes me look at the giant vessel of yellow fluid in a whole new light.

  12. Jay says:

    "The party's here" it says.I don't want to go to that party.

  13. IG says:

    This is a great post but the comments are even better. Design nerds are hawt. Snarky design nerds are even hawter.

  14. Kirk says:

    Yeah, *pant pant* you like that, do ya, lady? Well, take a look at how the designer clipped the kid out. The thumb on his right hand makes it appear as if he has palsy! And don't even get me started on the infinite number of conflicting light sources present!*flexes biceps*

  15. tom says:

    *frowns, because he's not a design nerd*I think further irony would be if the thing fell over on the kid and smothered him with tainted wheat gluten and lead paint. Even if he's not really next to the alleged thing.

  16. Lurkertype says:

    I can't decide whether Captain Crew-Cut is giving a Sieg Heil or doing jazz hands.

  17. Jay says:

    At least on the Palm Tree they went through the effort of clipping out the grass to make it look "as if" it were "really" on the lawn….hahaha I'm sorry I can't even write this without laughing……

  18. Lurkertype says:

    I read this before clicking on the W*l-m*rt site so of course when I did, I read the beer mug thumbnail as "The Potty's Here" without even trying.

  19. Kirk says:

    "At least on the Palm Tree they went through the effort of clipping out the grass to make it look "as if" it were "really" on the lawn…"And the designer did happen to find the Create Layer option for the drop shadow so they could make it stretch into the distance. It's a little better job, but not by much. Here's a link straight to the image for those following along at home.

  20. Kirk says:

    "The Potty's Here" Ha ha ha ha! I have some clever peeps, I do, I do!

  21. Jay says:

    Somebody better go hose off IG before she overheats or something.

  22. Kirk says:

    I'm trying to see how high her mercury will go…

    The reflection work in the beer mug pic
    is also quite humorous. How the hell do you screw up a reflection of an
    image shot from straight on? You have to work pretty hard to mess that
    one up. One could go so far as to say these designers are actually
    masters. Masters of Wal*Mart-level suck.

  23. IG says:

    LOL! I don't understand a single word either of you are saying. *siighh* Sooo sex-say… 😉

  24. IG says:

    Oh, and those photos are redonk. Thanks for the smile — I think this post is the first thing I've smiled over all day.

  25. Kirk says:

    "I think this post is the first thing I've smiled over all day." I don't like the sound of that, IG. Get yourself some Indy snuggles, stat!

  26. snoringKatZ says:

    Didn't they use the chainsaw tool for that? I'm no expert, of course. I yield the floor to the inflatable chair.

  27. SweetMisery says:

    getting crazier every day. ugh

  28. Jay says:

    The reflection work in the beer mug pic is also quite humorous.

  29. Brown Suga' says:

    EWWWW! Does not compute! Does NOT compute!::combusts::

  30. DJ says:

    Aaaaaargh!Wal-Mart is a fat vehicle magnet.

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