Realizing when I got in to work this morning that my toothpaste had failed me miserably and left my breath in its basest state of rancor, I retrieved a brand new tin of Altoids from my desk drawer. The lid was held tightly shut by a band of thick cellophane that happened to have a vertical red stripe, presumably indicating where to pull in order to most easily remove the protective plastic. I pulled and pried with everything I had in me, but it was like trying to peel a hockey puck. The plastic band simply would not give.
The red stripe glared at me. “You’re a fucking wimp,” it finally snorted in disgust. Of course, life’s to short to take shit from the cellophane on a tin of Altoids, so I got out the trusty Benchmade. But even as I cavalierly sliced that red strip right down the middle, the little bastard's derision endured. “Wassamatter, princess? Aw, need Mr. Pigstabber to do it for you? Maybe your mommy could help. About time for her to change your diaper anyway, isn’t it, Shirley?”
So now I know. If you want to enjoy curiously strong breath mints, it helps if you yourself are also curiously strong. I suppose that goes without saying, but I never expected packaging so clever as to test the consumer’s strength prior to relinquishing the product.