♠ I've always thought "Moons Over My Hammy" sounded like the title of a porn film. The result of this is that I can’t so much as think about Denny’s without simultaneously thinking about sweaty, raunchy sex. See, it happened again.
♠ Cats are completely immune to guilt trips. This is most commonly verified by observing the feline reaction to one’s hostility over their improperly deposited body waste.
♠ Casinos do so ridiculously well only because they’re allowed to discriminate against the very best players. Well, that and the remarkable intelligence-lowering capabilities of alcohol.
♠ Sometimes I think our prison system has become a bit too conciliatory. Even so, it is a grand testament to the inestimable value of personal freedom that desperately hungry transients do not, as a rule, deliberately look for ways to acquire lifetime prison sentences.
♠ I imagine if mutant frog people lived in giant mud burrows at the bottom of New York’s East River, they would probably possess very impressive collections of handguns, empty purses, and human skeletons with cement bases.