And She Shall Craft Her Diadem from the Unclean Flesh of Swine

I’m sure that there are some who feel the bacon-hat industry has turned a blind eye to the princess/beauty queen demographic for far too long and I do sort of feel obligated to inform certain individuals (I’m looking at you, LT and IG) whenever I learn of new advancements in bacon technology.

On the other hand, I wonder if there is a line that should be drawn and if that line might be best positioned somewhere prior to, say, oh I don’t know, considerable potential for agonizing death.

I guess some barmy freak imaginative person named Zabet, who evidently has ready access to dangerous chemicals, got really bored one day and decided her vast expanse of free time would be best spent making elegant headwear out of polymerized pig parts. This is clearly a response to another weirdo innovative woman devising a bra of bacon that cooks out in the sun while you wear it.

Anyway, if you’re the self-proclaimed Duchess of Pork or if you just enjoy tempting trichinosis, you can go learn how to crown yourself in crispy pigmeat as long as your desire for a bacon tiara outweighs your desire not to have your insides start melting together. The website issues the following warning:

You are going to be working with an enzyme that bonds protein. You are made of protein. Unless you want to glue your lungs together or glue your eyelids to your eyeballs, you absolutely must follow these safety rules.

Yeah, as much as I hate that glaring empty space in my tiara curio, I think I’ll pass.

Via BoingBoing

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
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13 Responses to And She Shall Craft Her Diadem from the Unclean Flesh of Swine

  1. RedScylla says:

    Besides, who would want a non-edible bacon tiara?

  2. YGRS says: Just when you think you've seen it all.A bra made out of bacon that cooks itself while you wear it in the sun.An edible bacon tiara.My brain hurts.

  3. K. says:

    It's things like this that make me more sure of my decision to be a vegetarian… while at the same time, embarassed to be an American.

  4. Budd says:

    Anything that makes bacon unedible is bad in my book. Now the bacon bra that cooks while you wear it. I could see an industry popping up from that one. Or at least a new film genre.

  5. grrrace says:

    while i love me some bacon, this post grossed me right the effe out. i literally gagged. *shudder*

  6. Lurkertype says:

    She has profaned the goodness of bacon, and therefore should be condemned to eat nothing but raw soft tofu for the rest of her days.Shun her!

  7. CrowSeer says:

    Greasy hangs the head, that last night wore the crown. 😦

  8. Kirk says:

    "…embarassed to be an American." Two words for you: Truck Nuts. 😛

  9. Kirk says:

    Ah, good. Then you're not going to go messing with microbial transglutaminases. That makes me so happy. :)I guess it makes the most sense that true bacon lovers do not waste it so.

  10. K. says:

    Ugh, I've actually seen those down here. I fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the Inland Empire invented them. We have this species called "Bros" which are essentially white trash jackasses that drive white lifted trucks and terrorize the neighborhood. I plan on doing an expose on them in the near future.

  11. Kirk says:

    "We have this species called 'Bros' which are essentially white trash jackasses that drive white lifted trucks…" We have a variant organism distinguished by its adoption of the lowered four-banger Honda as its method of locomotion. You can tell the more virile males by their brightly colored fiberglass fairings and spoiler which they prominently present to all visible females.Friday Bonus Trivia plucked from the World Culture category: Bros are known as "Chavs" in the UK.

  12. Artzy Lady says:

    Holy Smoked Bacon Bits!

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