I’m sure that there are some who feel the bacon-hat industry has turned a blind eye to the princess/beauty queen demographic for far too long and I do sort of feel obligated to inform certain individuals (I’m looking at you, LT and IG) whenever I learn of new advancements in bacon technology.
On the other hand, I wonder if there is a line that should be drawn and if that line might be best positioned somewhere prior to, say, oh I don’t know, considerable potential for agonizing death.
I guess some
barmy freak imaginative person named Zabet, who evidently has ready access to dangerous chemicals, got really bored one day and decided her vast expanse of free time would be best spent making elegant headwear out of polymerized pig parts. This is clearly a response to another weirdo innovative woman devising a bra of bacon that cooks out in the sun while you wear it.
Anyway, if you’re the self-proclaimed Duchess of Pork or if you just enjoy tempting trichinosis, you can go learn how to crown yourself in crispy pigmeat as long as your desire for a bacon tiara outweighs your desire not to have your insides start melting together. The website issues the following warning:
You are going to be working with an enzyme that bonds protein. You are made of protein. Unless you want to glue your lungs together or glue your eyelids to your eyeballs, you absolutely must follow these safety rules.
Yeah, as much as I hate that glaring empty space in my tiara curio, I think I’ll pass.