When someone is making reference to the Old Ones – particularly Great Cthulhu – it is notably uncommon for the word “love” (or even one of its remotest synonyms) to be used. Indeed, the emotion we call love is as confounding to Cthulhu as his beloved non-Euclidean geometry is to us. Yes, I honestly believe experiencing love as we know it would drive old squid-face quite insane.
And yet, we have this.
Cthulhu in Love Perfume
The scent is intoxicating, described by its creators as "an amorphous mix of oppressive, piceous ritual incense, macerated kelp, sea salt, sticky dark ocean plants, and . . . mixed chocolates."
Something is direly amiss here. The stuff is marketed as an amour-inducing aromatic preparation, but right there in the description is a clue to its malevolence. They could have chosen to describe the incense they used as “pitch black” or “sticky and combustible” but they chose the word “piceous”. It seems pretty obvious to me they did this because they knew people would immediately assume the word was a typo for “piscine” and just blow right past it without a second thought. They may have momentarily considered the odds of some random English major like me stumbling across the ad, but then realized they were wasting precious seconds thinking about English majors and rapidly moved on to designing the packaging.
The word “macerated” doesn’t have anything to do with mackerel, either, by the way. Macerating something is the act of boiling the hell out of it until it is broken down to its most basic components. It’s what my mom used to do to okra to give it that perfectly snot-like quality. And just as black sap is not a suitable ingredient for perfume, substances that resemble mucus in texture are also less than desirable.
Of course, living in Seattle, I can acquire a personal scent that is probably very close to this “perfume” simply by taking a walk.