I think somebody’s cat may have run off with Pat Robertson’s tongue, perhaps having mistaken the forked end for the tail of a dead fish.
My suspicion is due mainly to the conspicuous lack of a public statement from him regarding the oil spill in the Gulf Coast. It’s uncharacteristic of the self-proclaimed humanitarian statesman* to keep mum when there’s such a massive tragedy just waiting to be reshaped into a platform of feigned piety from which he can puke judgmental invective onto his latest pet scourge.
He was awfully quick to inform us the Florida hurricanes in 1998 were the result of a gay pride parade.
He seemed pretty certain the ACLU and all “…the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays, and the lesbians helped [the terror attacks of September 11th] happen.”
Hurricane Katrina, Pat assured us, was God’s angry reaction to legalized abortion.
And most recently, he said the earthquakes in Haiti were the direct result of that nation’s people swearing a pact to the devil.
So I can’t help but wonder why he hasn't…
…he can’t say anything about the oil spill because he knows gays and feminists didn’t cause it. He also knows it wasn’t Satanists or abortion doctors or people who have watched every Saw film a dozen times. It wasn’t the Dalai Lama or Eric Cartman or the House of Slytherin.
It was Big Oil. It was done by people Robertson supports. It was the result of a practice in which Robertson invests quite a lot of his followers’ money.
Let’s not forget he’s the guy who called for the assassination of Hugo Chavez, the president of Venezuela – an oil-producing country that just happens to be Big Oil’s largest nemesis.
I expect Robertson to be pressured into saying something very soon. Watch closely, kids, and you’ll probably get to witness the most impressive examples of spin and contextual framing ever contrived by man. That, or you’ll be crazy-astonished by the sheer transparency of his gall.
Either way, his handlers better remind him to wear his cowboy hat and bolo tie. Texans hate being handed a sack of road apples when they’re already buried in prairie pies…
…if you know what I mean.
*On his website, Robertson actually lists himself as a broadcaster, humanitarian and an author before he lists “Christian”. I had been lead to believe his faith was first and foremost in his life, not huffing it back there in fourth place!