The blogging website known as vox.com announced this past week that it was shutting down its servers as of September 30. The site was apparently drastically undervalued by its owners at SixApart and the announcement of the site’s impending closure has created a widespread panic among vox’s loyal and dedicated users. The news was so traumatic, the resulting chaos has grown to epic proportions. Scientists report that the vortex of entropy that first appeared in the Pacific Ocean just off the coast of California about 81 hours ago, is now so massive it has begun tearing at the very fabric of time and space.
One Seattle man, who spoke under the promise of anonymity, said he had evidence the rift created by the vox chaos is a direct conduit to the domain of the most malevolent entities in the universe. According to our source, these beings were Earth’s first occupants and are “baleful, vile monsters with nothing but malevolent contempt for all mankind who want nothing more than to eradicate every last human and retake Earth for themselves.” Our source also says they will be lead by a tentacled behemoth called “Cthulhu, the Great Old One.”
So far, there has been little progress in shrinking the vortex and closing the crack. The notion that the end of days may well be at hand has driven many victims quite insane. One victim was quoted as saying, “Floob floob floo-conka nata bloob po po. Hmmmmmm?”
“It’s pretty much SixApart’s fault,” claims our anonymous source. “They could’ve handled it more elegantly, you know? But we could always tell their hearts were never totally into it. Little things, like losing posts to the ether for no discernible reason. That, and the spammers. Oh god, the spammers!”
So what does our source recommend you do if you had a blog at vox?
“Port it over to WordPress and keep on blogging. Life is short, so I say live it to the fullest before Great Cthulhu disembowels you and you die realizing you’ve wasted your life — realizing that being slowly torn apart is the most <expletive deleted> exciting thing you’ve ever done.”
If you live near the chaos rift and are experiencing bouts of depression or confusion, you should see your doctor for an evaluation. Should you ever you find yourself being torn apart by a being from beyond our dimension, you’ll need to dial 9-1-1.