VOX Creates Chaos Rift; Awakens Great Old One

The blogging website known as vox.com announced this past week that it was shutting down its servers as of September 30. The site was apparently drastically undervalued by its owners at SixApart and the announcement of the site’s impending closure has created a widespread panic among vox’s loyal and dedicated users. The news was so traumatic, the resulting chaos has grown to epic proportions. Scientists report that the vortex of entropy that first appeared in the Pacific Ocean just off the coast of California about 81 hours ago, is now so massive it has begun tearing at the very fabric of time and space.

One Seattle man, who spoke under the promise of anonymity, said he had evidence the rift created by the vox chaos is a direct conduit to the domain of the most malevolent entities in the universe. According to our source, these beings were Earth’s first occupants and are “baleful, vile monsters with nothing but malevolent contempt for all mankind who want nothing more than to eradicate every last human and retake Earth for themselves.” Our source also says they will be lead by a tentacled behemoth called “Cthulhu, the Great Old One.”

So far, there has been little progress in shrinking the vortex and closing the crack. The notion that the end of days may well be at hand has driven many victims quite insane. One victim was quoted as saying, “Floob floob floo-conka nata bloob po po. Hmmmmmm?”

“It’s pretty much SixApart’s fault,” claims our anonymous source. “They could’ve handled it more elegantly, you know? But we could always tell their hearts were never totally into it. Little things, like losing posts to the ether for no discernible reason. That, and the spammers. Oh god, the spammers!”

So what does our source recommend you do if you had a blog at vox?

“Port it over to WordPress and keep on blogging. Life is short, so I say live it to the fullest before Great Cthulhu disembowels you and you die realizing you’ve wasted your life — realizing that being slowly torn apart is the most <expletive deleted> exciting thing you’ve ever done.”

If you live near the chaos rift and are experiencing bouts of depression or confusion, you should see your doctor for an evaluation. Should you ever you find yourself being torn apart by a being from beyond our dimension, you’ll need to dial 9-1-1.

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About kirkstarr

I draw pictures for a living.
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42 Responses to VOX Creates Chaos Rift; Awakens Great Old One

  1. mariser says:

    [this is beautiful]

    brings tears to me eyes. is good to have you back

    • kirkstarr says:

      is good to have you back

      is good to be back (til i’m torn to goopy bits, but i keep telling myself that might not actually happen…)

      BTW, you’re The New CimC’s first commenter evar, mariser! that’s gotta merit some sort of penalt– er, reward.

  2. Mandi says:

    Kirk Starr! Now I can comment without having to log into my long defunct Vox account! Now when are you going to start posting about Joss Whedon and Buffy? πŸ™‚

    • kirkstarr says:

      Jeepers! It’s AmandaWhoNeverReallyLeft! Hi!

      Hey, did you know that when you type my name into Google, the very first listing is still that blog post you put up when I left VOX suddenly waaaaay back in the day? Isn’t that bizarre, considering how long it’s been you’ve even used that blog?

      Anyway, good to see you. The Season Eight comic run is about to end. I’ll surely have things to say once I’ve read the collection in its entirety. It’s just sitting there in it’s own comic box waiting for me.

  3. Emmi says:

    We all should have simply realized by its name – VOX – sounds like a gaping black hole right off the bat. Our bad! Cheers to living life, may the Great Cthulhu spare us just a bit longer to enjoy this round……

    • kirkstarr says:

      “VOX – sounds like a gaping black hole.”

      Not far off, I guess, since it is Latin for “voice”. I know a few people whose mouths are basically gaping black holes. πŸ˜›

  4. xeyli says:

    Glad to see you writing again! has the need to move brought out some creative juices for writing?

    I would think that Cthulhu will spare you, since you spread his name to all you come across.

    • kalita says:

      Cthulhu doesn’t spare anyone, but his loyal followers get to die last. That’s a win, right?

      • kirkstarr says:

        “Cthulhu doesn’t spare anyone, but his loyal followers get to die last. That’s a win, right?”

        First! We get to be eaten first! And it’s a huge bonus. Who wants to be around for all that raping and torturing and killing and re-raping? And the smell!

        You want to be eaten first; trust me on this.

    • kirkstarr says:

      “…has the need to move brought out some creative juices for writing?”

      Yup, that’s exactly right, Xeyli. Karin told me VOX was closing down and simultaneously an unseen hand slapped me upside the head and I heard a voice say, “Just how long do you think you can continue this Thumper’s Rule charade, anyway? Find out where your ‘hood is going, pack your shit, and go there.”

      “But there’s just not enough time! I’m burning the candle at both ends as it is!”

      “There’s never enough time.”

      “Exactly!”

      “And yet you watched Kick-Ass three times in five days.”

      “I was on vacation!”

      “You read Henry Rollins’ Solipsist just two days ago.”

      Checkmate. No comeback from a logical left hook like that. Fact is if I have time to read whiny, self-obsessed crap like that, I have time to write my own whiny, self-obsessed crap.

  5. Budd Black says:

    Great post Kirk. Glad to see you aren’t abondoning us to the tentacled one. I have added you on my google reader, the next best thing to a neighborhood.

    • kirkstarr says:

      “Glad to see you aren’t abondoning us to the tentacled one.”

      Not as of yet, no. Of course, he and his minions suddenly show up and I’m gettin’ in his belly before all the rap– eh, just see my comment to kalita above.

      Thanks for the Reader tip. Things like that make the new learning curve less steep.

  6. Redscylla says:

    I knew the end was nigh when the Vox main page pretty much hadn’t loaded for me in over a year… Now I must simply sit back and wait until our Dark Overlords reach the square states in the middle.

  7. doranyc says:

    Hi Kirk!! Added you to my readers list. So good to see you on here!!

    • kirkstarr says:

      Aw, thanks, Dora! I still need to get around to cleaning up the place and getting all the new settings the way I want ’em, but it’s coming together. I do hope to be back to regular writing and commenting again very soon. I miss it.

  8. gundersonbee says:

    I’m merely posting for posting’s sake/sake of posting/etc.

    πŸ˜‰

  9. lurkertype says:

    Will Deej escape, though? That’s what’s really important.

  10. lurkertype says:

    By which I also mean, be sure and save DG’s blog, or at least all the chapters of The Book of Deej. Any survivors will need to know this information. Heck, two people just discovered him after I posted that last photo! The world needs Deej!

    • kirkstarr says:

      There Will Be Deej.

      Daniel Day Lewis might have remained sane and generous had he just gotten a cool cat like DG…

      Yeah, DG has no desire to blog, but I am going to do my best to save everything and get it posted here. The Book of Deej, at least, has been saved. In fact, I already have a category all set up and ready to go!

      DG is always happy for new friends, but I am personally not surprised his Godmommy and #1 fan continues to recruit Deej-peeps. πŸ˜‰

  11. Erin says:

    It’s good to know I can still pop by and have a laugh every once in a while. I’ve enjoyed lurking your blog since the beginning of Vox, and while I ended my blogging time there a year or so back, I still stopped by to see what you were up to. πŸ™‚

    Cthulhu Fhtagn!

    • kirkstarr says:

      It’s way cool that anyone bothers to read what I have to say, lurker or otherwise, so I thank you for coming back. And I’m thrilled you get an occasional laugh from my blog. I have this ongoing fear that only I think I’m funny.

  12. Oh yay! I’m trying to make sure my reader list is up to date and I found you, reinvented – so very happy!

    • kirkstarr says:

      Reinvented, but hopefully not regurgitated…

      It’s great to see you, too, arbed! Wow. This is like moving from Jr. High to High School and seeing who ended up in your P.E. class.

  13. G Filotto says:

    KirkY!
    I knew you would be one of the ones eaten last.
    Good to have you back typing and stuff.

  14. paikea says:

    You are back:) – Good to see ya!

  15. Lauri says:

    Floob floob floo-conka nata bloob po po. I second that!

    Hooray!

    Lol at this terrific post!

  16. DJ says:

    Oh lordy, that was awesome! Thanks, Kirk.
    DJ

  17. Welcome to the Middle, otherwise known as WordPress. Glad to see that you are still blogging in wake of the rift. I’ve been seeing a lot of folks getting booted from their communities and just giving up…what’s the fun in that? Ning recently went pay-only, which pretty much the same thing as shutting down if you ask me, so I had to abandon a lot of content I wasn’t allowed to export or backup. Thankfully I don’t think WordPress is going anywhere soon.

    And I do have to say that it is nice to not need a Vox account to comment on your posts now πŸ™‚ As I said, welcome to the Middle.

    Game on.

    • kirkstarr says:

      Hey, great to see you, Morning Toast!!! Wow, this move has just been loaded with good times.

      I happen to be rather obsessive about my art (be it in the form of words, lines and colors, notes and rests, or what-have-you), so I had everything already backed up for the most part. The rough part is going back through four years of posts and making sure everything ported over… which it didn’t. Then I gotta go find the original and upload it. Gonna take a while to get the Archives in order.

      Anyway, it is pretty comfy here and it is nice to know WordPress is solid.

      Oh, by the way, just picked up Dementium for the DS. Thought I’d check it out before trying the sequel that just came out. Creepy as hell, which i love, but sort of easy. Do you know if Dementium 2: The Ward is any harder?

  18. kalita says:

    Speaking of Cthulhu, this obviously made me think of you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xc90UhV6hJA

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